


I could be martyred

by austsami



Series: To School an Intelligence and Make it a Soul [1]
Category: Nancy Drew (Video Games)
Genre: Coming of Age, Developing Friendships, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, No cheating, Possibly Unrequited Love, Pre-Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25203391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/austsami/pseuds/austsami
Summary: There's something to be said of the man who does not fight for himself.Henry attempts to navigate life after Great Uncle Bruno's death.
Relationships: Bess Marvin/Logan Mitchell, Gilmore Lee/Rockey McQue, Henry Bolet Jr./Bess Marvin, Henry Bolet Jr./Summer, Nancy Drew/Ned Nickerson
Series: To School an Intelligence and Make it a Soul [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825840
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Some liberties taken:  
> 1) Time period progression  
>  a) The game came out in 2007 but this fic is set more around present day.  
>  b) I've changed the order of the game releases. For example, in this fic Shadow at Water's Edge occurred before Legend of the Crystal Skull and Labyrinth of Lies occurs before The Silent Spy.
> 
> Title of this work and series are adapted from various John Keats verses.

Henry steps inside, closing the door with his shoulder, barely hearing it shut as Summer's voice in his ear is getting more upset by the minute. He hoists his backpack up higher, fighting to keep the phone between his ear and shoulder as he rearranges the grocery bags in his arms.

"Summer, please. Summer, please, hold on," he begs. He doesn't wait to hear her answer, choosing to instead put the phone on the coffee table and dropping the his backpack and the grocery bags on the couch. He quickly goes back to the door to lock it. When he picks up his phone again, Summer's escalated to yelling.

"No, no, Summer. I just had to put my things down and lock the door... No, I was just carrying too much I wasn't ignoring you--I wasn't... Please, I'm sorry baby. I am.... I love you, baby, C'mon.... Yes, yes, I'll see you tomorrow... Yes, I really will. How about we go out tomorrow night? My treat," Henry says. He winces at his own offer to pay. Uncle Bruno already paid for his education, and he's got his inheritance, but he still can't think about how frivolous it will be to waste a hundred or so dollars on dinner. He makes his way into his bedroom, kicking his shoes off.

"What are you feeling?... Sushi? We can go to Fin's... Great, I'll see you then... Yes, I'll make the reservation... I'll text you later... What? Of course I do, you know that," he says. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "You know I love you. I'll talk to you later, okay?... Okay. Love you."

Henry ends the call, sighing. He lets his phone fall somewhere between the sheets and lets himself fall on the bed, splayed out. He lets himself listen to the cars driving outside his window. There's an occasional shout of greeting, but for the most part the city is quiet, muted. He rolls onto his side, fishing his phone out from the mess of sheets. He unlocks it and pauses for a moment. He's just so... tired. Empty, almost.

Uncle Bruno died three months ago and after his estate was settled, Henry found himself pouring over his memories. He's been thinking a lot more about how things could have been, how things were, and where things will go from here. He pours his memories, even the painful ones. It's ugly but he peels back the layers of protection he built up to examine even the ones he tucked far, far away.

He wonders what else he missed. He thinks about how Renee saw him, how Ned and his girlfriend saw him (he still cringes when he thinks how Nancy caught him crying in front of the crypt). He thinks about how Uncle Bruno's actions didn't match up with his final wishes. He wonders why Summer acts the way she does, and why it's becoming so difficult to even talk to her now. He feels like he's that same little Henry again, teacher's pet, desperately trying to connect. He's so lost and feels more alone now, with the weight of the knowledge of Uncle Bruno's love and Renee's betrayal, than he ever has.

Henry knows his withdrawn nature is bothering Summer--how can he not when she's constantly berating him for not answering when she calls, for not being engaged enough in his texts, for neglecting her? He also knows how much it hurt her to hear that Nancy had been in New Orleans. Summer knows he didn't know Nancy before this, and she knows that Henry only loves her, but ever since then she's been upset, paranoid even. She's gotten as close to accusing of him cheating on her as she can and it hurts.

Even though he's been in the midst of moving into his apartment he's been seeing her almost every other day, trying to placate her and show her that she has nothing to worry about. But he knows that's not just it. People can cheat without doing anything, she says. That doesn't quite make sense to him but he doesn't doubt her, she's the one who has dated before not him. And because he's been more quiet, pensive even, she thinks he's pulling away from her. He's tried to make her understand that this is how he works through things. He needs time to gather up his scattered memories, leave nothing unturned, so he can make sense of what he knows and what he's now learned. She doesn't get it and it all came to a head when he had missed her calls at DeLuca's.

But right now he doesn't want to think about past wounds or how they've been reopened. Except for that night Nancy came by the house and uncovered the truth, he hasn't allowed himself to think about it. Not for too long, at least.

Henry unlocks his screen once more, it having gone black while he zoned out. He idly scrolls through Instagram, telling himself he's not looking from any post from anyone in particular. However, all that goes to pot when a post from only an hour before shows up. Even he can't fight the small smile that makes its way onto his face.

In the photo the water's a deep blue and the sun is high in the sky. Three girls are standing at the bow of a boat. Bess is in the center, smiling big and wide. She's standing tall, one arm at her side and the other holding onto the brim of her floppy sun hat. If her holding onto her hat wasn't indication enough, the hat's black ribbon that's twisted and floating in the air is enough to tell that it was very windy. But still, Bess is beaming. He sees Nancy off to Bess's left. Unlike Bess with her hat, and unlike the short-haired brunette to Bess's right, Nancy is woefully unprepared for the wind. Her hair practically wraps around her, completely obscuring her face. Henry chuckles louder and lets his eyes roam over to the third girl in the photo. She's got short cropped brown hair and is noticeably more covered up than Bess and Nancy. Those two are wearing their swimsuits while the brunette's got on a large shirt that covers her forearms to her elbows and whose hem line goes to her thighs. He doesn't know her name, but according to Bess's caption, he guesses they're quite close. Familial, even.

bessbabe: fun day at okoboji with my ride-or-dies! but is it too much to ask for ONE decent picture @nancydrew1??? or for you to not make me look like casper the friendly ghost @g_fayne??

g_fayne: @bessbabe it's called not wanting to get skin cancer

bessbabe: @g_fayne it's called 1-800-i-didn't-ask

g_fayne: @bessbabe bold of you to assume i care

bessbabe: hey!! @nancydrew1 you're supposed to be my ally in the trenches!! and yet you're nowhere to be found! help a sister out!

nancydrew1: @bessbabe I know when to not get involved

bessbabe: @nancydrew1 that's literally the biggest lie

g_fayne: @nancydrew1 yeah gotta side with bess on this one, nance

nancydrew1: @g_fayne @bessbabe 😬

While getting more comfortable on his side, Henry's fingers slip. He doesn't move for a good minute as he stares at that red heart underneath the photo, now glaring red than merely an outline. He recollects himself and immediately moves to unlike the photo. He stops though. That would be more suspicious than him liking it in the first place. It's been months and it's the first time he's actually liked one of Bess's posts and he's maybe, kind of, possibly freaking out just a tad.

_It was three months ago, late May. Nancy had come down to visit him for a few hours on the behest of her boyfriend, Ned. While he was drowning in paperwork and waiting for lawyers to take him off hold, she went and uncovered the truth of his late uncle's estate and death. After all the excitement was over and the rain stopped, she asked if Henry wanted to meet her and her friend Bess in the Quarter. But he was overwhelmed with what she had discovered, so he declined. He spent that night sitting over the hill in the back of the house, grappling with the fact that his uncle's last thoughts were of him when, for nearly 19 years, he had never would have thought his uncle spared him a thought. Especially when he went to college and was going to, officially, be out his uncle's hair for life afterwards._

_He thought that would be the end of it but the next afternoon Ned showed up at his door. Saying Nancy told him what had happened and that he was sorry. If Henry wanted to talk, Ned would be there for him. Henry had stuttered out his thanks and awkwardly rubbed at the back of his neck as he asked what Ned was doing here, not that it was unwelcome (though it was, in a sense). Ned shrugged, saying Henry needed a friend and that while he won't push anything, he would really like it if Henry went out with him, Nancy, and Nancy's friend tonight. It was an invitation, a request, but there was a hint of a demand in it. Henry found himself agreeing; he didn't feel like being alone in the house right now, not after everything._

_They were waiting for Ned and Nancy to come back from talking with the maitre de. Bess had grabbed his phone and downloaded Instagram onto his phone, saying it was an absolute necessity for him and it would allow him and his friends to see each other's lives. He had the forethought enough to not mention that the only one he knows in this odd little quartet is Ned, and that's a stretch._

_"Here, I'll be your first follower!" Bess had said after making him an account and thrusting the phone back at him. She now was shoving her own phone in his face to show him that she'd "followed" him (whatever that meant)._

_"Oh, okay."_

_Bess continued to stare at him, and Henry stared back. She sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes for good measure._

_"Well?"_

_And Henry, completely out of his depth, replied, "What?"_

_"Aren't you gonna follow me too?"_

_"Oh, uh." He fiddled with his phone, struggling to navigate to her page. Sighing, he said, "Here, I can't find it. Can you do it for me!"_

_Bess's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "I'm not gonna make you follow myself! That's so lame, Henry."_

_Henry's brow furrowed. She was the one who basically asked him to follow her?_

_"I can't figure it out," he complained "I keep switching between the tabs."_

_"You'll get it."_

_"Ned told you how much I hate not knowing what I'm doing right?" He glanced up, pausing to give her a look. She just waved at him with a dismissing hand._

_"Some things are worth fighting for," Bess said sagely, nodding her head._

_"And your posts are worth the learning curve?"_

_"Oh they're the best," Bess winked, smiling._

_"I highly doubt that."_

_Internally, Henry slapped himself. Everyone always said he was dry. It was off-putting. He hoped Bess wouldn't be offended. He didn't mean for it to come off like that. Bess, however, took it in stride. She waggled her finger at him._

_"You'll come to regret those words, Henry Bolet Junior. Mark my words. My posts bring color and joy and life to people's feed."_

_Henry smiled wryly. Eventually he figured it out and Bess looked like the cat that got the cream when she got the notification. Right when he thought they were done, she started waggling at his finger again._

_"Now don't forget to post - no one likes a lurker-"_

_"What's a-"_

_"And don't forget to like my posts! I'll like yours and you'll like mine, agreed?" She held out her hand to shake. Henry looked between her outstretched hand and her smile._

_"Uh, okay. Yeah, sure," he said, shaking her hand. It was at that moment Nancy and Ned came back to them._

_"Good news, they can sit us in a minute. Just got to wait for them to clear the table," Ned said._

_"How'd you manage that?" Bess asked._

_"The maitre de is the older brother of a frat brother of mine," Ned answered, shrugging like it was nothing._

_"The more I hear about Omega-what's-it the more I'm convinced it's a cult."_

_"It's Omega Chi Epsilon-"_

_"It's not a cult, Bess," Nancy said, a little exasperated but fondly. Henry wondered if they had this conversation a lot._

_"Sorry, just a den of homophobes with Don't Tread on Me and Bob Marley tapestries-"_

_"That was one time-"_

_"I dunno, I can see how they're kinda cultish," Henry remarked, feeling he should come to Bess's defense. It was hardly fair two against one, even it was all in jest._ _Bess beamed, going off on how she now had someone to back her up. Ned just rolled his eyes, fighting a smile. Nancy merely observed but anyone could take one look at her and see the gears turning in her head. About what, though, Henry didn't know._

_"Listen, Henry. First rule of dealing with Bess is: don't indulge her," Ned dictated, throwing an arm around Henry's shoulder. Henry barely tried to conceal that he was eyeing the the action._

_"Oh, too late," Bess sing-songed. "He already has."_

_"How?" Nancy asked as Ned let out a comical groan._

_"Got him to download Instagram and make an account. Followed me, too."_

_Ned slipped his arm off of Henry's shoulder to give it a sympathetic pat. "It's a slippery road from here on out for you, my friend."_

_"What? It's just Instagram-" Henry started._

_"You've been obsessed with gettin' your follower count to 700," Nancy said to Bess. "Is this 'cause Deirdre's got seven-hundred-AND-fifteen followers?"_

_"No. But even so," Bess emphasized, which meant it totally was. "I genuinely want Henry to see my posts! And I want to see his."_

_The maitre de interrupted them then, instructing them to follow the table. Once there Ned pulled out a seat for Nancy and Henry briefly wondered should he do the same for Bess, even if he just met her. She made the decision for him, however, and pulled out her own seat. He quickly got into his own, hoping no one saw his awkward pause. He always seemed to embarrass Summer when they went out to eat. He never knew when to do things for her or when to let her do things on her own, it seemed._

_"Well, looks like that's that, Henry," Nancy said, opening up her menu. "Bess has latched onto ya. She has spoken. You gotta post now."_

_"I don't know-" Henry started before being cut off by Ned._

_"Oh c'mon, you'd have great photos! Actually kinda surprised you're not already on Insta. Anyway his photos, Bess, would be nice. Real artistic. You still got that old DSLR, right Henry?"_

_"What-? How-?"_

_Henry didn't know how to ask Ned how he knew taking photos was a hobby of his. How he'd go out onto campus and into the city to takes photos of life, when he was sick of labs and just wanted to appreciate life instead of studying it._

_"You noticed that?" He finally settled on._

_"Yeah," Ned said nonchalantly. "Why wouldn't I? Didn't you say you were using it for some bio thing? That day I got you taking pictures at the quad and at Swan Lake?"_

_"Yeah... for a presentation to get an undergrad research grant."_

_"You gotta tell me how that turns out! But see? You know you're way 'round a camera, you'd be a great Instagrammer. Probably give Bess a run for her money,"_ _Ned assured him. He went back looking at his menu._

_Henry turned to Bess, question in his eyes. Bess shrugged and leaned in next to him, as if they were conspiring together._

_"I get quite the amount of likes on my posts. Ya see, Deirdre may have more followers but I have more likes on my posts. It's all about the engagement, not attention."_

_She leaned back and looked back at her menu. He nodded as if he understood what that meant. Henry didn't know what to say so he buried his gaze in his own menu too._

_"Should we get some gumbo?" Nancy said, smiling mischievously as she eyed Bess from over her menu. Bess goes positively green._

_"You know what, Nance-"_

_Obviously it was some inside joke of theirs, considering the way Bess is laying into Nancy and Nancy's just watching with amused eyes, but Henry didn't mind. It was... nice. Even though he couldn't stop thinking about how Ned knew about his photography, and had gone to see it, it wasn't bad. Weird, odd, but not a bad feeling. Just unnameable._

_The weekend passed like that. While Henry still had things to attend to with regards to his uncle's estate, and Bess and Nancy get tours from someone named Dr. Buford, the others managed to gently persuade him out of the house. He spent more time with Ned Nickerson in a few days more than he had the entirety of the past spring semester. Hell, he just met Nancy and Bess and feels like he spent more time with them than with Summer in the last month. He's grateful for their company, though. Summer's angry he won't give any details about his uncle's affairs and he doesn't feel comfortable at all in the house. The weekend passes and he drives them to the airport. He'll see Ned again when school starts up again in a few months. He gives well-wishes to Nancy, if her track record with cases and injuries are anything to go by, and awkwardly says goodbye to Bess. She gives him a hug that he barely has time to return before she tells him to not be a stranger. And then that's that._

Henry lightly shook his head, letting his hair flop around. He left the post liked and resolved to not feel embarrassed about it. He scrolled through more of Bess's photos. Her at birthday parties, her out at night with friends, food she particularly loved. This was the first time in the three months since he's had an account that he's actually gone and really looked through her photos. He has one or two of his own up, ones that Bess liked almost immediately, but he never really thought to go through hers.

He sits up on the bed and leaves the room. He has groceries to put away and as he's storing them he thinks Bess had been right. It was nice to see what she was up to. He only feels mildly creepy about it.

Summer texts him then, asking if he made the reservation. He quickly throws the rest of the groceries into the fridge and calls up Fin's. Once he gets off the phone with them he texts her the details. She responds and Henry feels his chest warm at the heart emojis she uses. It's rare enough that he can't help but feel his heart jumpstart a little. He goes back into his room to pick out his outfit for tomorrow.

His phone rings again. There's a Snapchat from Nancy - Henry learned quickly what it meant to indulge Bess even just once. By the end of her and Nancy's stay in New Orleans he had not one but two social media accounts. It's a video of Bess with the caption "I lost the bet." In it Bess is gloating to Nancy that _yes, Henry finally liked one of her posts after three months of radio silence and that Nancy needs to pay up._ Once Bess realizes Nancy's recording her she yells but quickly says, _Henry if she sends this to you, know that I never doubted you!_ He wants to be annoyed that they bet on him staying in touch or not staying in touch, but he's really not. If he's honest, he wasn't sure how sincere that request was. Bess was the opposite of him, why would _she_ want _him_ to stay in touch? He dispels those thoughts and decides to reply. He sends a chat to Nancy, saying that he was offended she had no faith in him. Nancy replies cheekily, asking him if he could blame her? Henry laughs to himself. No, no can't.

Before he can send it he gets a message from Bess saying that in all seriousness it was nice to hear from him. Henry's brow furrows. How was him liking a post "hearing" from him? He shrugs it off and replies to Bess quickly. He goes back to planning his outfit, humming to himself, with the sound of her replies coming into his phone. He flops into bed when he's done, tired from the day but hoping tomorrow will be better.


	2. Chapter 1

Their date goes surprisingly well. Summer is pretty as ever and doesn't chide him too much when he accidentally hits the chair behind her as he pulls it out for her. Even the sting of the bill (nearly $90) doesn't hurt too much when he sees Summer grinning like a Cheshire cat. On the walk home, he's anxious, wondering when it'll suddenly stop and she's be unhappy again. It doesn't, though. And while he wished she let him stay the night, she does have an early class tomorrow and is adamant that he'd distract her. He supposes it's weird to feel happy about that but sue him. He is.

On the walk home he feels his phone buzzing. It's Bess. She replied to his Story on Snapchat, the photos of Summer he managed to take without her knowing. He didn't add any text or sticker on them. He was just happy to share them to the world, even if his Snapchat world only consisted of Bess, Nancy, Ned, and some guy that had added him at one of the back to school parties last week. He opens up Bess's message.

_e_b_marvin: ohhoho is this a date??? so cute!!_

_e_b_marvin: tht place looks so nice! sushi??_

_e_b_marvin: god I want some sushi rn_

_e_b_marvin: where's my boyrfriend when I need him smh_

_henrybolet: yeah that's my girlfriend, Summer._

_henrybolet: and yup. sushi. it's her favorite_

_henrybolet: and he's probably sleeping? also uber eats is literally Right there_

_e_b_marvin: ahh!! love it!1!!_

_e_b_marvin: with what MONEY h_ _enry???_

_e_b_marvin: how long have u two been dating??_

Henry chuckles to himself. He dutifully answers all her questions. He's content and warm from his date and doesn't mind all the prodding. He barely stops himself from walking past his apartment. He goes inside, showers, and gets ready for bed. He's got another reply from Bess to open but he ignores it in favor of sending Summer a goodnight text, lest he forgets. She doesn't answer; she's probably already asleep. He sees Bess's reply but tells himself he'll open it in the morning. He plugs his phone in and falls asleep, as content as can be. His last thought before sleep overcomes him is that he hopes more days can be like today.

* * *

The next few weeks pass by in a blur. Henry throws himself into his classes. He and his lab partner, Connie, are getting along better than they had in the first two weeks of the semester. He's run into Ned so often this semester so far that Henry wonders if Ned's been purposefully seeking him out. He invites Henry to lunch and has slowly worked up to a 60% success rate. He finds that he doesn't mind it so much and is surprised to find that overall, he genuinely likes Ned's company. One day Henry finally tells Ned that for the longest time he didn't expect someone to be that sincere; he thought Ned was laying on the nice guy routine thick because he wanted something from him. Ned was bewildered but not upset and they both have a good laugh about it. Henry doesn't hear much from Nancy but he's not surprised. Ned's her boyfriend and even he barely gets to talk to her, let alone see her. She's in high demand as a detective, apparently. Henry doesn't agree with it but doesn't say anything to Ned. He doesn't want to ruin a friendship that's only just _really_ started.

Now, Bess, is another story. He hears from her quite a bit. Not every single day but more than he thought.

They still use the chat feature in Snapchat to talk, usually in response to stories or snaps they've sent each other. He likes it. It's comforting, knowing someone is out there wanting to talk to him. And he genuinely loves seeing her posts and stories, thinking about how even though they're the same age he's living vicariously through her adventures.

One day though Bess messages him, concerned. He smiles to himself when he reads it, endeared. She's frantically explaining that while _he can post anything he wants and that she doesn't want her message to make him feel like he can't post whatever he wants (in case she'll respond in the same way), she has noticed he's been posting more moody photos on insta and that she hasn't seen a picture of Summer in awhile_. Before he finishes reading the first message she sends another saying that _of course none of that means they've broken up or that he's sad and he has every right to tell her to shut up but she's worried and basically did he and Summer break up?_ And then a third one comes in, going on about how she _hopes this isn't weird_ but she _thought iMessage would be more official, like a stamp on a conversation_. Henry laughs at that one.

Henry reassures her that no, they have not broken up. He tells her that he's been so busy with labs and his research project that he hasn't been able to see her that often. However, in reality, it's _Summer_ who has been too busy for _him_. He hasn't seen her now in nearly two weeks. She keeps cancelling plans but getting mad whenever he doesn't respond quickly enough. It's confusing him all to hell.

In all honesty, Henry likes that he has Bess in his corner. He was never very good at making friends, and while he wouldn't quite call her that just yet, he feels like they are on that track. It's nice to know if he wants to he can call Ned or Bess for any reason, even for no reason. He hasn't yet but it's a comfort all the same. With the exception of Summer's absence, things seem to be sliding into place. Just the week before his professor had him hang back after class. Henry would, his professor said, be receiving an email soon but he wanted to congratulate Henry first. It took Henry a moment to understand what his professor was referencing but when he did he couldn't help his excitement.

Back in the spring semester he had sent in an application in the hopes that he would be one of the few undergraduates chosen to receive a grant for their research. Apparently his application was good enough and, his professor goes on to tell him, he was one of the few and that for the next few months he would begin drafting up his plan. His professor goes on to explain that Henry's research would start in the next spring semester but Henry is too excited to really listen. _He got it._ He got it and each recipient is to go on stage and give an overview of who they are and what their research will entail. He's so giddy that he immediately sends a snap to Bess and a text to Ned. It isn't until he's back home that he carefully crafts a text to Summer. It takes an hour but Summer responds, congratulating him but still telling him that she isn't sure if she's going to make it. Henry's a bit indignant, to say the least. He knows she's been flaky recently, but he thought this would be an exception. That she would make an exception, for him, over whatever has been keeping her busy. His gut curls; maybe she's getting bored of him?

He responds back, firmly but gently imparting how he'd really like it if she could come. After almost ten minutes without a response he texts her again, trying to lesson the neediness, as she had called it, by sweeting the pot. He's got the skinny from his teacher: there will be fancy champagne and a few courses. He jokes that it's where she belongs, and he'd get to show her off (something even Summer can't deny she likes). Being the center of attention has always been Summer's favorite place to be. And, luckily for her, more often than not she is. He sends the message and doesn't have to wait too long for a reply.

_Summer❣️: maybe..._

_Henry: maybe??_

_Summer❣️_ _: i dont have anything good or fancy enough to wear 😩_

_Henry: you have tons of dresses! anything will be good_

_Summer❣️: you dont get it, henry_

_such a boy sometimes, honestly_

_nothing is nice enough for that_

_don't you want me to look good? it's like i_ _'m_ _representing you, in a way_

_i_ _just_ _want to look pretty for u 😔_

_Henry: i seriously think anything will be fine, really_

_Summer❣️: [typing]_

_Henry: but how about we go shopping this weekend_

_Summer❣️: [stops typing]_

_Henry: we can go after my class on friday or on saturday_

_Summer❣️: really?_

_Henry: yeah_

_Summer❣️: f_ _riday's_ _no good but_ _I_ _can do saturday!_

_love you 💖💖🥺_

_Henry: love you too_

_I'll swing by your place round 10 so we have enough time to look around_

_the event isn't for 2 weeks so we should have time_

_Summer❣️: 10 sounds good!!_

* * *

Two weeks later they're at the event. He feels anxiety swim in his gut. He knew it was fancy but he didn't know it was this nice. On his arm, Summer is basking in it. She's looking around with a wide, satisfied grin on her face. She's happy and she's here, which makes him forget the the times they fought and didn't see each other the last month. He kisses her temple, smiling to himself as he does so. He pulls back, waiting for her to fuss about her hair, saying he's mussed it all up. But she doesn't; she's busy looking at the centerpieces and flowers on the tables with wide, pleased eyes. Henry's mind is empty and he doesn't realize he's being summoned until Summer kisses him on the cheek and shoves him towards where he's supposed to line up.

When his professor calls his name and shakes his hand, gesturing toward the podium, he feels amazing. He feels recognized, seen. He feels like he could make a difference and he's so goddamn happy he was chosen. He briefly looks at Summer before he begins his speech and her neutral expression tells him to take a deep breath, don't mess this up. He does so and launches into his speech. He goes through the details and what he hopes to accomplish, mindful not to speak too fast. He thanks the department for awarding him the grant and tries not to smile as he listens to the polite applause. The next recipient is called up and he goes to where he's to wait for the group photo.

Once all the recipients have gone been awarded they take photos, a few of just them and then a few of them plus their advisors. It's when they're done taking pictures does the pride and joy he feels drains away. Mothers and fathers come up to congratulate his classmates. They give them hugs and wear beaming smiles while he stands in the thick of it, feeling a cold weight settle on his cheek. No one's going to come to him. He barely realizes Summer's in front him until she lightly takes hold of his elbow. She kisses him on the cheek, asking if they can go. He nods, and they start walking back.

He doesn't say much and for the first time he doesn't really care if she's bothered by it. She's chatting away and it takes him a minute to realize she's asking him something.

"Sorry, what?"

Exasperated, Summer sighs, "I _said_ let's go to Avery Bar tonight. To celebrate!"

"You know I can't drink-"

Summer interrupts with a wave of her hand. "Just don't drink, it'll be fine."

Henry sighs. Summer's 21 years old already and apparently turning 21, at least for her, means that house and frat parties aren't good enough anymore.

"Summer, I'm kinda tired."

Summer's brow furrows. "What, why?"

"I'm just... don't feel like going out right now. I'd kinda prefer if we could just chill at home."

"What? We can do that anytime! I'm all dressed up, you just got a research grant, why don't we celebrate it?"

"Well for starters I didn't bring my car."

"We can take an Uber."

"I don't know..."

Summer shakes her head and gives him a pointed look. He knows she's about to chide him, just like a child, and he's really not in the mood for it tonight.

"What is with you tonight?"

Henry fumbles for words for a minute. He doesn't know how to voice the feeling he got in his heart when he realized he was the only one without someone coming up to congratulate him. He doesn't think his pride will let him, anyway. He's 20 years old, for god's sake. Summer, however, watches him flail and doesn't move to stop him.

"Look," Henry says, pleading almost. "I'd just much rather be with you. At home."

"We will be together at Avery's."

"I just-- yeah, we would but I don't wanna be there sitting 'round all those people and families and--"

"Oh my god," Summer exclaims, uncrossing her arms. "Is that what this is about?"

Henry sputters, not sure how to answer, but Summer doesn't let him get very far.

"I know you're still like, hung up about all that. Your parents and your uncle. But _I_ was there. I even had to cancel plans for this. Aren't I enough, Henry? Aren't I enough for you? I'm your _girlfriend_."

"What? Of course you are! That's not what--"

"None of my other friends have boyfriends who do this, you know? They don't carry around this... fuckin' emotional baggage. It's like you never want to actually go and have _fun,_ Henry. Do you know how frustrating that is? Like, I know you never had a girlfriend before, but god, I'm getting kind of sick of it."

And Henry's frustrated. He's so frustrated he can still feel the tendrils of indignation at her words coiling around in his throat but he stuffs them down. He won't voice them because this is pushing the limit, toeing a line. And this isn't worth that, especially after such a good night.

"Look, look, Summer. I'm sorry. Just... forget it. Okay? I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. I am, okay, baby? I'm sorry, please forgive me. Forget all this."

Summer doesn't respond. She's pouting a bit and Henry reaches for her, hoping she won't fight him off. She resists slightly, but let's him hold her in the end. "C'mon, let's go. Hey, who knows? Maybe this time they'll let me sneak a drink or two."

Summer grumbles in his embrace, but concedes. Once they get to the bar, she's smiling again. All he wants is to go home but his heart hurts thinking she doesn't feel enough. Even if he's feeling shitty, he really shouldn't be allowing it to hurt her, he tells himself. It's a few hours later and they're quite a few drinks in. The bartender didn't card Henry for once--he thinks it's the suit. Summer declares he should wear one every day. Henry jokes back that he'd burn through his inheritance and Summer just laughs. He's warm and his brain feels just on the right side of fuzziness. Summer sits on the stool to his left, talking animatedly with the couple next to her.

"I was happy you were there," Henry admits, leaning toward her. She doesn't seem to hear him. He tries again but the din of the bar and music is a touch too loud, and she's a touch too distracted, so he lets it go. It's nearing midnight and they've already been here for over two hours. He pays off their tab, deliberately not looking at the total.

"C'mon," he says to Summer. He stands up and gently takes hold of her shoulders.

"What? No--"

"It's late, Summer. It's time to go home."

"No, I want to stay here," she says, shaking her head.

"I've already paid off the tab."

Her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline. "What? I didn't tell you to do that!"

"You've had enough and so have I. C'mon let's go home."

"No--"

"The bar's closing in 30 minutes anyway."

Summer mulls this over for a minute. She sighs deeply, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fine."

"Okay," Henry says, sliding off his stool, offering her a hand to get down from hers. She bats it away and gets down herself. He has a hand outstretched, ready to steady her if need be. Once she's fine he pulls out his phone.

"Gettin' an Uber?" She asks, slurring slightly.

"Yeah."

"Not one of those pools."

"Okay."

"The nice one."

"I know," Henry responds.

"To yer house. I don't," she hiccups, "don't wanna deal with m'roommate."

"Okay."

When he gets the notification that the Uber is close by he walks with her down and out the building. He verifies it's theirs and they climb in. On the way back Summer is slumped into his side, his arm around her waist. He thinks about how he gave in, again. It's not that he didn't have a terrible time at Avery's, but lately he feels like he's always giving in. He doesn't want to be that guy - the overbearing and unyielding boyfriend. He really doesn't. But sometimes he wonders if he gives in to Summer too much. Like he told Nancy back in the summer, Summer is his first girlfriend. He doesn't know where the line is, where boundaries are. He's constantly worried about setting her off on one of her mood swings. He seems to either do the wrong thing or not do enough. _He_ never seems to be enough.

The next morning he wakes up to an empty bed. He sits up and hears Summer in the shower. He nearly falls off the bed reaching for his dress pants on the floor. He never remembers to take his phone out and plug it in after a night of drinking. He plugs it in to find a few notifications and messages. He ignores the notifications in favor of answering the group chat Ned set up between the two of them and Logan. They want to meet up at the dining hall for a late breakfast, early lunch ( _Not,_ Logan insists, _brunch. Brunch is for senators' sons who do cocaine_ ). Henry chuckles to himself. Logan wasn't wholly different than what he was expecting when Ned introduced him as his fraternity brother. But he's chill. (Logan, Henry notes, can be really blunt, to the point of being rude, but Henry actually likes that. He's often been accused of the same, though Logan's is more a result of people bothering him when he's stressed rather than social anxiety and a detached upbringing). Henry tells them his girlfriend is with him right now, pointedly ignoring the ensuing innuendos and emojis. Ned says she's free to join and asks him to let him know.

Summer comes out of the bathroom, brushing her wet hair. She keeps some clothes over at his place and she's wearing them now. She kisses him on the lips before telling him that she's sorry she can't stay.

"I've got a lotta work to do. And my roommate has been spoiling for a fight if I bail on movie night tonight," she explains. Henry opens his mouth to acquiesce but pauses. If she's not hanging out with her friends, why has she been so busy lately? But before he can ask she speaks up again.

"Oh, and did you get the key I asked for yet?"

Henry reaches over and grabs the new copper key off of his nightstand.

"I get it. I'm gonna get some work done, too," Henry says.

It's not a _lie_ , per se. He is going to get work done... just later... whenever that may be. It's childish on his part, maybe, but Summer already expressed her disdain for Ned and Logan when Henry mentioned hanging out with them during classes awhile back. And it didn't help matters when she stumbled upon them in the dining hall a few weeks ago, especially when Logan started talking. After the Nancy fiasco in the summer, Henry had been smart enough to avoid mentioning that Bess had been in New Orleans over the summer as well. Logan, however, hadn't. So when Logan launched into a tirade about how the three of them, Bess, Henry, and Logan get along like a house on fire (now that was Logan's salesmanship skills coming into play right there), Henry simply kept his gaze on his plate. And when Summer walked with him back to his apartment, he didn't fight her when she asked to look in his phone, or to stop talking to Bess.

Summer, Henry thinks, doesn't like Logan and Ned because they seem to take up more of Henry's time. But even so he still doesn't get why she dislikes them so much. But the fact of the matter is that he knows she doesn't like them. At all. So he's avoided mentioning their names in front of her since that day in the dining hall. He doesn't want to imagine what it'd be like if she ever saw Bess's name pop up on his notifications again.

He had taken her insecurities and concerns into account and didn't text Bess since. Her number and the messages were deleted, anyway. It didn't take long for Bess to text him again but he still hasn't replied back. He wants to keep talking to his friend but he's worried of how it would look, how it would look to Summer. Since Bess is a girl he is able to downplay his sudden radio silence to his friend. But Henry won't stop talking to his guy friends. It's not like he'd even be able to, really. _They're too annoying for that_ , he thinks fondly. But still, he's thankful that Ned, Logan, and him have already switched to primarily texting in the group chat. Summer doesn't even give a second glance at the chat's title ("🅱️eer 🅱️ressure") anymore. She thinks it's from Henry's disastrous attempt at joining a club last year and he hasn't corrected her on that assumption yet.

So, when Henry rereads Ned's message saying he can invite Summer to brunch, he doesn't. Henry tells her he's got homework to do, same as her, and that's it. No mention of brunch, no mention of friends, his phone held screen-down in the palm of his hand. Henry kisses Summer goodbye and when she leaves, he picks his clothes off the floor, throws them in the hamper, and goes to take a shower.

He meets Ned and Logan half an hour later. They get their food and he listens to them go on about whatever happened last night at Omega. Logan's shoveling pancakes into his mouth as he retells the story of some girl getting into their bathroom and using three of the brothers' shaving cream to draw what they think is a unicorn. Logan's cracking up and Ned's shaking his head, telling him it is a lot harder to clean up than one would think. Naturally, the conversation moves to what Henry did the night before, not without extensive eyebrow-waggling from Logan. Henry tells them about the award and they congratulate him with such fervor he's worried they'll knock over the table. He gives them a brief rundown of what the grant is for and then how he and Summer went to Avery's last night.

"So, how are you and Summer doing?" Ned asks.

Henry pauses in taking a bite of his bagel. "Uh... Fine?"

"Why the fuck you lyin', man," Logan half-sings. How he does it, and how he does it so nonchalantly, Henry doesn't know.

"What?"

Ned rolls his eyes, "I was trying to be subtle, Logan."

"Trying to be subtle about what?" Henry asks.

"Bess asked us to check on you.," Ned says, turning to him.

"Why would she do that?"

"Because that's just who Bess is," Logan supplies, smiling a bit to himself. "Anyway, you were having sad boy hours on main last night. On Insta, she said."

Henry pauses, confused. He gets a sickly feeling and quickly unlocks his phone. He navigates to Instagram and groans, mortification washing over him in an instance. Sometime last night in the Uber he'd taken a photo of the car window and posted it. The problem, though, was the caption. He's too embarrassed to actually read it, but he's pretty sure he already knows what it's about. What his depressed thoughts always turn to. He was lamenting not having any parents; how he just wanted to know why he didn't seem to be enough for Uncle Bruno. How since he learned his uncle's last thought was of him, and how he had wanted Henry to have what he himself had treasured most, all his memories have been rushing back to him. How he just doesn't understand why Uncle Bruno acted the way he did if that, supposedly, wasn't what he really felt. The post ends with him pathetically pitying himself for not being enough for anyone, even his own girlfriend. He quickly deletes the post, acting as if it's gone that means it was never there.

"It's okay, man. I mean, if you gotta vent then you gotta vent," Ned oh-so-unhelpfully says.

"You probably wanna get a Tumblr if you wanna do that though. Depressed Tumblr bitches eat that shit up," Logan advises. Henry groans again, holding his head in his hands, while Ned elbows Logan.

"What Logan should have said is that if you wanna talk to anyone about stuff, you can talk to us."

Henry weakly nods. "Okay. But why did Bess ask you to check on me? She couldn't have done that herself?"

"She's always worried about being annoying, or clingy," Logan replies.

"Oh. Why?"

"Dunno. I always tell her, "babe, you gotta stop worryin' about what other people think of you" but it never really sticks."

"Babe?" Henry parrots.

"Uh, yeah? We've been dating for like, a three months now?" Logan says, his face scrunching up as he tries to count back the weeks in his head.

"Oh _,"_ Henry says. He suddenly remembers that day in the dining hall, when Logan had practically given a speech about what happened in New Orleans and how Bess and Henry met. He hadn't even questioned how Logan knew, or how much he knew; Henry had just assumed Ned had told him. He hadn't known Logan and Bess were dating but in retrospect it's painfully obvious. He feels like an idiot for not realizing sooner. " _Oh."_

Ned just chuckles. "I thought you knew that?"

"I mean, I did. I knew she had a boyfriend named Logan, and that he went to Emerson too, but I didn't know it was _this bitch_ ," Henry said, gesturing towards Logan and causing the other two to crack up laughing.

"And t'think the school decided to give ya a grant," Logan joked. Henry squawked in indignation.

"He's got a point," Ned said, still laughing. Henry rolled his eyes but he couldn't help laugh a bit at himself.

"Anyways," Logan continued. "Can you just text Bess? She worries about her friends."

Henry paused but nodded. The other two went back to eating and talking about the party last night as Henry pulled out his phone. Instead of going into Snapchat to send her a chat, though, he goes to her contact to write out a message.

It takes Henry a minute to stop being confused; her contact is missing and he suddenly remembers why.

"Hey," Henry asks sheepishly.

Ned gives him a look, his mouth full of food but his eyebrow raised comically high. Logan appraises him for a moment, before pulling out his own phone, all the while still looking at Henry.

"Sure," Logan says slowly. He sends it to Henry.

"I thought you already had it?" Ned asks innocently. Henry doesn't reply and begins composing the message.

_Henry: ya know if u wanted to check up on me you could've just done it yourself_

_didn't have to sic ur boyfriend and ned on me lol_

_1-319-555-4468: fjslkfjsl_

_i didn't wanna overstep!!! 😠_

_Henry: if it's you I don't mind_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: ☺️_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: [typing]_

"I'm glad y'all are friends," Ned says, bringing Henry's attention from his phone and back to the present. "She's a bit neurotic, but she's seriously like, the best person I know."

"Maybe she'll break him out of his shell," Logan laughs. Henry smiles softly. It's nice, he thinks. Logan and Bess... now that he knows it's this Logan that Bess talks about, he can see why they're together. They're a good match and they trust each other. He wishes Summer could be more like that. But just as quickly as that thought enters his head he dismisses it, feeling guilty.

It's not that Summer doesn't _distrust_ him, she just likes to know that she is his priority. That's what she told him after he said she was being crazy when she was accusing him of liking Nancy because of what happened at the Bolet house, or she thought he was planning to leave her for Bess when Ned had let it slip in front of Summer that Bess had been there as well and got him on social media. _Summer trusts me, she's just a little touchy,_ he reminds himself as he watches Logan recount some crazy story about his boss' antics to Ned. _Not every relationship is the same, after all,_ he tells himself. He goes back to his plate, feeling his phone vibrate with an incoming message. He ignores it, telling himself he'll answer it later, and listens as Logan complains about how fickle his boss is. Ned asks him if he'll continue working for her after graduation. Logan doesn't hesitate to say yes, but then pauses. He hasn't made any definite decisions yet, he amends. He isn't sure, he says. Henry and Ned exchange a look but leave it be. Ned switches topics and begins discussing the latest case Nancy is on.

After they finishing eating he bids Ned and Logan goodbye and goes back to his apartment. He should get some work done in a bit but his he never sleeps well after a night of drinking which means he's lazy as all hell the next day. So, he flops onto his bed and opens up the message Bess had sent him while he was with the others.

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _well anyway, how are u??_

_Henry: good, I guess_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: [typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: [stops typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: [typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: [stops typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: you sure?_

_I don't wanna pressure you to share!! it's just, I realized that you might want to talk about someone? and I wanted to let you know that you can talk to me about it_

_Henry: again, by sic'ing logan and ned on me?_

Henry's joking, but he realizes once he sends it might sound like he's annoyed, regardless of what he said earlier about not minding Bess texting him. He quickly sends another text.

_Henry: 🧐_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _well!! you can talk to them too! so it wasn't all for nothing!!_

Henry stops to think about that. After everything in New Orleans, he knew he could go to Ned should he choose to. Even today Ned reminded him of that fact.

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _sooo_

_are you good?_

_Henry: I just had a bit too much to drink last night. started thinking about my parents and uncle and adding alcohol to the mix is never a good combination with that_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _was there anything that like made you start thinkin about them? or was it just you sittin' with ur thoughts_

_Henry: basically I was at an award ceremony last night and was lookin around thinking about how I'm the only mf there who didn't have a mom or dad, both to Be there and in general and it kinda sent me into a pity party. pathetic I know but yeah. and while the night ended up turnin' out okay, I upset my girlfriend a bit bc of it, so that was a part of it too ig_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _why was she upset?_

_Henry: she wanted to go out after and I didn't want to, bc I felt shitty seein everyone with their family and realizing I didn't have one, and the only one I did have wouldntve come anyway (if he was still alive that is, which is a whole other can of worms)._

_anyway she got mad bc she said she didn't feel like she was enough, that I'm still hung up on things that happened years ago_

_like it's really is not that big of a deal, I know I'm a bit dramatic and the night did end up fine, we went out to the bar and had a good time, but yeah._

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _to be honest, I dont get why she'd be upset about that. I know I dont know her or the whole picture with what happened but idk.... yeah she is ur gf and is someone super important in ur life, and you should try to make sure your past doesn't keep you from experiencing life,, but you're still allowed to miss your parents and be upset at ur uncle. ur still grieving_

_Henry: I mean idk about that.. I'm literally 20_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _so?_

_just bc you turn 18 doesn't mean you're never allowed to get upset or feel hurt at things that happened in your childhood_

_also like I just said, you just really unearthed all this only a few months ago. and if I'm correct (and do correct me if im wrong!!) but it kinda seems like you haven't really dealt with or talked about all this before?_

_and even if you had like I said you just found out new info and you're confused, probably thinking back on everything that happened and how you felt at the time with what happened now_

_Henry: ..._

_I can see why you and nancy are friends_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _??_

_Henry: she's a detective, and you're psychic. the perfect team_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _sfjlksfks literally no. I'm the coward who is always tryna drag her AWAY from cases_

_also it's not psychic powers, it's literally just the power of observation my friend lmaoo_

_plus im wired to look out for this kinda stuff. I'm surrounded by friends with introspective dysfunction_

_Henry: lol I'm gonna need u to never say that again_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _ur not the boss of me_

_now don't try n change the subject! am I right or am I right?_

_Henry: you are_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _🤪_

_have u tried talking about this with ur gf? or anyone?_

_Henry: not really. I mean I tried last night, but I made her upset_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _have you tried before? talking about it with her I mean_

_Henry: only once, when I got back from new orleans_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _and? how'd she take that then_

_Henry: to be honest I never really got to, she got upset with me_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _upset?? about what??_

_was it the cd thing??_

Henry pauses. Nancy told her about that? I mean, she had to have been the one to do so, right? If so, what else has she told Bess? Or anyone, for that matter? He's actually... not that mad. Annoyed, maybe? Feeling exposed, absolutely. He still feels guilty for getting upset at Summer and then ranting about it to Nancy. He hopes it doesn't get back to her, he already feels awful enough.

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _Nancy told me about it by the way_

_oh wait fuck pls don't be mad at her I weasel info outta her all the time about things like this. it's all on me_

_Henry: it's fine_

_and anyway, back to your original q... no, it wasn't about the cds. she got mad about something else, and then got mad I wasn't paying attention to her_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _how so?_

_Henry: like not responding quick enough or wanting to go out on dates. being sullen n shit, withdrawn. she thought I was distancing myself bc I didn't wanna be with her anymore? I think? I dont know where she got that idea tho. she also didn't like that I was all the way in New Orleans for so long_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _weren't u only there for like a week or so?_

_Henry: yeah_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _hmm_

_and what was the other thing she got mad about?_

_Henry: uh_

_it's not really important, at least rn_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _hey remember u dont have to talk about anything u dont want to_

_again, I dont know all the details etc but I really dont think there was any reason for her to get mad at you. you weren't even gone for that long, hell you were settling your recently deceased uncle's estate AND dealing with ur housekeeper... well yk_

_as for the distancing thing, you are grieving! ur upset! I don't wanna overstep my boundaries but tbh I think she should've been more supportive. you just lost your only family remember (regardless of ur relationship with him) and were dealing with so much. also?? why would she be accusing you of basically wanting to break up, or falling out of love with her?_

_Henry: I dont know that's just the thing_

_I mean, idk if Nancy told you but she is my first girlfriend. I'm surprised she ever even took a second glance at me tbh and I just feel like I'm always messin up, never making her happy. I feel like I'm always somehow putting my foot in my mouth or my words gettin misunderstood and I hate it. I just wish I always wasn't always messing up_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _I know it may feel like that but I doubt it. you seem like you really love her and you try. that's all anyone can ask for. in this case, tho, I do have to say I think she was the one who messed up. she should've been there for you then and for you last night_

_and_ _maybe you were being a lil dramatic last night--idk! it happens! but... I just don't think it was all on you yk?_

_I may be biased tho 🤪_

He's grateful they're only texting so she can't see his smile. _I probably look goofy as all hell,_ Henry tells himself.

_Henry: idk her friends boyfriends dont seem to be so... hung up like me.. I dont want her to have to deal with that. I'll figure it out_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _[typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _[stops typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _[typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _[stops typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _:/_ _I_ _dont know..._

_have you ever thought of talking to someone abt all this?_

_Henry: like a therapist?_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: yeah_

_Henry: I mean not really_

_right after new orleans I did, but idk_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: if you want to then you want to_

_who would care?_

_Henry: idk just. ppl_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: ok well first of all Ppl aren't the ones going to the sessions, it's u. not them_

_second of all, u don't have to tell anyone that ur going_

_Henry: i don't wanna hide it from summer tho. I don't think that's right..._

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _[typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _[stops typing]_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: well it's up to you._ _I r_ _eally think you should look into it tho. have u?_

_Henry: ye, actually I have_

_1-319-555-4468_ _: that's great!!! are u gonna_ _follow_ _thru with it?_ _yk, take the next step n Make that appointment_

_Henry: maybe. I want to.._

_1-319-555-4468_ _: well in the meantime_ _you can always text me! in fact i WANT you to text me ok?? so u better_

_im not a therapist so I can't help in the way they can, I can only do so much, but im always here for u ok?_

_Henry: I think I will. thanks bess_

_sorry I got a little emo there lol but I do feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _sad ppl are always heavy, it's all the stuffed down emotions. literally the Emotional Baggage weighin' ya down_

_Henry: mmmm I don't think that's right_

_no secret compartment near the diaphragm that holds emotions, sorry_

_I am a biologist yk_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _hold ur horses sonny not yet. ur still a student_

_Henry: a student with grant money 😎_

_so technically i AM a biologist_

_1-319-555-4468_ _:_ _wait what. wait wait hold the phone_

_you got a GRANT??_

Henry chuckles as he responds, explaining the research and award without another mention of that night. And he does feel better, oddly enough.

He doesn't get any work done for the rest of the day. His eyes hurt from the blue light of his phone as he continues to text Bess for a few more hours. His rubs at his chest, feeling almost giddy inside. Unlike the turbulence he's been experiencing with Summer lately ( _or always,_ a voice in his head unhelpfully supplies), and the careful treading with Ned and Logan, talking and being friends with Bess is easy. He feels like he can breathe a little easier after their conversation and his chest feels warmer from it. He'll be embarrassed come morning but for the right now he just doesn't care. He may not get any work done but he can't find it in himself to feel too guilty about that.

He reads back through his and Bess's conversation and after a few minutes debating with himself he adds her contact back into his phone. It's not under 'Bess Marvin' anymore, but something's gotta give, Henry thinks. Summer may not believe him when he says that Bess is just a friend and he should address that, but right now he's happy to have his friend back after weeks of self-imposed radio silence.

_"1-319-555-4468"_ _changed_ _to "Bess"._

Henry closes out of his contacts and shuts off his phone. He spends the rest of the day not doing much of anything. He thinks he can give himself this, if just for today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based a lot of aspects in this fic off of real places. Emerson, Okoboji Lake, the area code of Bess's cell phone, and others (such as Swan Lake, mentioned later in the fic) are all real. Also, since it's believed that the original Carolyn Keene (Mildred Augustine Wirt Benson) based River Heights off of Iowa, her home state, that's where I picture River Heights to be. Ergo the area code and the Okoboji mention.


	3. Chapter 2

October comes and goes and one day Henry looks up to see snow on the ground. Already it's Thanksgiving and Henry barely has time to appreciate it. He thinks back to his classmates in boarding school; how he'd watch them running in and out of each other's rooms with boxes and bottles conspicuously hidden underneath their hoodies at night, and then seeing them stroll into class at 7:45 a.m. the next morning. He's doesn't understand how they were able to juggle their studies and a busy social life because honestly? Right now? He's struggling a bit.

Of course it's not like Henry never had a social life himself before. He may never have had close friends, or "ride-or-dies" as Bess likes to say, but he did have friends. They'd have study group hours and go to the movies when they were allowed. Hell, he'd even go to a parties every now and then. But that was about it. Once the immediate link of school between them was gone, so were they.

So, considering Henry's schedule as of the last few months, he's been feeling a little burnt out lately.

He's been focusing on his classes, planning his research, and trying to keep Summer happy. He's built up a good friendship with Ned and Logan. He wonders if them spending nearly every day together has something to do with it (his apartment is much more conducive for studying and general decompression. Logan often likes to use the spare room to recharge while Ned loves the kitchen table for studying). Henry's apartment has never been more lively or homey. Though lately, despite how they complain about the frat being too noisy (Ned) or having no time alone (Logan) they've have been trying to persuade him to join said frat, which is the last thing Henry would ever want. He thought telling them about his attempt at rushing the year prior would deter them but nope. It's only made them more determined.

Henry has lost track of how many times Logan has flopped on the dining hall table, lamenting about not having a protégé to take up the mantle when he leaves. _Honestly, you're actin' like you're dying. You're not even graduating yet. You still got a year_ , Henry tells him. Logan says he might as well be 6 feet under. Henry and Ned just give Logan a pat on the back when he gets like this. They still have a year until graduation themselves, same as Logan, but don't quite understand the existentialist turmoil their friend appears to be feeling.

And even though he's been busier than ever, Henry feels like he's been doing a pretty good job at keeping Summer a priority, despite what she says. The more he spends time with his friends the more he's pulling himself away from Summer, according to her. And the more he resists her reading through his phone the more upset she gets. Henry doesn't think that's exactly true but he'd rather keep the peace. So he still finds himself running back and forth to the mall so often that the piano player near the entrance gives him a nod when he trudges in once again, hoping to find something good enough to temper her anger.

It's only been a few months and change but Bess and Henry have built up a close friendship that Henry is a little confused by. He doesn't understand how one person can become so close to him in such a short amount of time. They'll talk on the phone for hours, usually starting from something Bess wanted to tell him and couldn't be bothered texting. But Henry finds himself calling her first, too. Bess's always posting fun photos and he likes being able to see her daily life, as they only ever get to text or talk on the phone. It seems like Nancy's off on another case, in Venice or wherever, if Bess's "throwback Thursday" posts and "#nancycomehome.mp3" captions are of any indication. He immediately recognizes the brunette that's in so many of Bess's Snapchats and Instagram posts now. He's yet to meet George in person but she and Bess are going to come to Emerson around reading days in December. He's so looking forward to seeing them--well just Bess, if he's honest--that he actually tells himself to calm down. _Don't make it weird_ , he scolds himself. He tells himself it's just because he never had a real, close friend before. Nothing more.

But for now reading days are over a week away and it's the day after Thanksgiving. He and Summer are sitting in his apartment eating holiday leftovers she brought from home. Henry glances at the clock on the wall. It came with the apartment and is green and no amount of battery changes can make the hands on the clock say anything other than "3:42." And yet Henry knows it has been over an hour since he started psyching himself up. He hears Bess's voice rattling in his head: _It's now or never. Not to get copyright-striked by Nike or to steal Shia Labeouf's brand but just do it, ya big baby. If I can infiltrate some creepy skeleton cult thing, then you can do this._

"Can I ask you something, Summer?" Henry blurts out, still staring down at his plate.

"Oh?"

"I've been... uh... thinking of going to therapy," it all comes out in a rush. Summer opens her mouth but Henry continues, not giving her time to respond. Now that he's opened the floodgates he can't stop the words that come forth.

"I mean I didn't wanna commit myself to a doctor just yet, or commit myself to paying those fees if I had the chance to test it out here at school where's it's free, ya know?" Henry explains, forcing nonchalance in his demeanor and tone. It's not that big of a deal, _it's not it's not it's not_ , he tells himself. He can only imagine what his uncle would say, what his friends would think. And he already knows what his old CO would think, if the conversation he listened in on back in high school was of any indication, so he tries not to.

He tells himself it really doesn't matter and it's two-thousand-freaking-eight but the knot of nerves in his chest tells a different story. But he barrels through anyway.

"So I went for a visit and it seems okay. I think I'll go a few times and then maybe find one in the city. It's not set in stone yet but so far that's the plan," Henry continued.

"What? So you already decided on this without me?"

"No, Summer, I mean yeah that's the plan but I wanted to see what you thought about it."

"But you're gonna go ahead and do it anyway?"

"Well, yeah, I just thought--"

"What's the point in asking me if you're just gonna go 'head and do it?" Summer says, her fork hitting the side of her plate as she clumsily tries to set it down.

"I mean, I don't exactly need your permission, Summer."

"I'm your girlfriend, Henry. Though it seems like you've forgotten," she sneers.

Henry's mouth hangs open. "I haven't forgotten, but I don't need to consult you on _every_ decision I make."

"Oh believe me, I know that."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it," Summer says with a wave of her hand. She continues before Henry can reply. "I--just _therapy_? Really, Henry? _"_ she says as her face scrunches up, as if it physically pains her to say the words. "You're not... sick, Henry. Like, everyone gets kinda moody and sad sometimes--"

"I--Summer, it's not just for people who--I'm not saying that I'm--" Henry pauses, taking a moment to collect himself. "Look, everyone can benefit from it."

"I mean, I don't even know why we're having this conversation in the first place. I mean, we shouldn't be because you shouldn't even be thinking of doing this but you've clearly made up your mind. Whatever I say or think doesn't matter. Clearly. You're gonna do whatever you want regardless of what I think."

Henry groans, exasperated and rolling his eyes. "I'm trying to have a conversation about it right now. I just wanna know your opinion, what you think of it all. You're the closest thing I have to a family, Summer..."

"Okay, fine. If you're so insistent on hearing what I say and then doing what you want anyway, then fine. I'll tell you what I think it is. It's a waste of time and a waste of money," she says, spitting every word out.

"I mean, maybe, but I still want to try--"

"Am I not enough? Am I not for you to talk to that you've got to go and _pay_ someone?"

Henry sputters. "What? What, no! Summer, no, that's not it."

"Then what is it?" Summer demands, stomping towards her purse and jacket that lay on the couch.

"Summer, c'mon please. You've said before you don't want me talking about this kind of stuff. It upsets you and you don't like it. You don't like _me_ when I talk about it. Plus, you're my girlfriend. I'm not going to use you as a therapist, that's fucked up. That's not why I'm dating you."

"I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth," Summer rounds back, glaring at Henry as she puts on her jacket. "Then why are you dating me?"

Henry gapes, scoffing loudly. "Are you serious? Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes, I am serious, Henry," Summer throws back. "Why are you dating me? Why are you fucking dating me if you're never around? You're always going out with Ned and Logan--which you _know_ I hate. Ever since you started hangin' out with them you've changed. You're not the Henry I know. You were even texting that girl awhile ago! And now you want to blow so much money on a, on a _therapist?_ It's like I don't even know you anymore!"

And it's that that gets Henry well and truly angry. He's sick of hearing the shit she says about his friends. He's sick of lying to her when he hangs out with them, sick of acting like he hasn't continued texting Bess because she is his first close friend and on days when everything sucks he feels happy just seeing her name. She is his friend and that's truly all she is to him. Nothing more. And it hurts him that Summer seems so stuck on it. Even when he'd deleted Bess's number and stopped talking to her Summer still wasn't happy. It wasn't enough. He's sick of feeling like he's constantly choosing the wrong option simply because there is no correct option, not with Summer at least. He wonders when it will be enough. When just _Henry_ will be enough.

"Okay, no. You don't get to say that shit. I've tried to fuckin' understand why you hate them but I just don't get it. And ya know what? At this point I don't fucking care. Ned and Logan are _my friends,_ okay? They're good friends and I'm not gonna stop bein' friends with them just because you've got some weird hangups about 'em. They are my friends, you don't have to like 'em but you do have to respect them. I respect the fact that you don't like them so I try to keep you all separate. And anyway you haven't even given me any good, solid reason as to why I shouldn't be friends with them. I'm not gonna be told who I can and can't hang out with."

Summer's face twists even further. She's got one arm through the sleeve of her jacket now. Henry sees her moving to reply but cuts her off before she can begin, he already knows what she's going to say anyway.

"And you seriously can't tell me I've been neglecting you to hang out with them," Henry says, shaking his head. "It's me who's always textin' you, who wants to see you. And don't try to make it seem like there was anything more to me and Bess. We are _friends_. That's it! We text and keep in contact--that's what friends do! I even let you read through our messages! I let you delete her number, even. She was and is just my friend and at this point I don't know what else to tell you. And fuckin' lastly--"

He knows it's stupid. He knows he's about to do that thing Bess complained about; how guys will pick out the most inconsequential part of an entire argument a girl makes. But he can't help it.

He knows he's playing into the trope. He knows it'll just escalate the argument. But he's angry now and he just doesn't understand how they got to this point or how Summer has the ability to get him to blow his top the way he is now. And the money comment... it's getting under his skin.

"I don't get why you're so fuckin' concerned about me spending money on a therapist. It's the only thing you seem to care about and what? Do you think if I spend it on a therapist there won't be any money left over for you? For gifts for you? For fancy dinners for you? Or is it because I made a decision? Without you?"

He knows he fucked up when Summer immediately goes still. He knows he crossed a line when she doesn't even bother to put the rest of her jacket on, letting it fall to her side with only the one arm in the sleeve.

"So I'm a fucking gold digger, is that it? That's all I am right? A fucking gold digger? I can't fucking believe it. I should've fucking known," she chuckles humorlessly to herself. "Call me when you fucking have calmed down and aren't throwing a tantrum like a fucking baby. Don't you dare talk to me unless it's to apologize."

And with that she elbows him out of the way, slamming the door shut on her way out.

Henry stands in place staring at the door. After a few minutes he looks around the living room and stops when he sees the entrance into the kitchen. They were having such a nice time... how did it go from sharing a late Thanksgiving meal to him yelling and Summer storming out so quickly? Why does he always mess things up?

Henry walks into the kitchen. He moves to clear the table and clean the plates before stopping. He's just too tired. Instead, he turns around and walks back through the living room and goes into his room. He changes his clothes and flops on the bed. He rubs his face with one hand, sighing to himself, not thinking of much. He pulls his hand away from his face and lets it fall down onto the bed. He hand hits something cold and hard. He grabs the object and sees that it's his cellphone. Henry stares at the black screen for a minute before unlocking it. His thumb hovers over the Messages app. He thinks about texting Bess, and then thinks he should text Ned. Say something pathetic and self-pitying, something along the lines of "why do I always fuck up" or go for the misogynistic but classic "girls are crazy."

In the end, he does neither. He puts his phone on his end table and plugs it in. He stares at the ceiling, listening to the hum of the city outside his window. He doesn't think of calling Summer. Doesn't think of apologizing, doesn't think of taking his words back. He only thinks about how tired he is. Eventually he drifts off to a restless sleep.

* * *

It's December. It's been a week since the fight and Henry hasn't texted Summer once. Guilt has settled in and it's completely childish but he wants her to reach out to him for once, for her to hurt like he's been hurt throughout the relationship. He's avoided Ned and Logan on campus and dodged Bess's texts. They don't seem too concerned and he can always blame it on finals, which he's thankful for. Though in truth he's avoiding them. It's not even that they'll know something's wrong. It's not even that they'll try and get Henry to talk about it--he just feels so drained and wants to be alone.

The first few days were the hardest but now that things aren't so fresh he's begun to look back on that night, on the last few months, reevaluating all the memories he has from the last year. The thought of breaking up with Summer has entered his mind for the first time. Initially he was surprised to even have that thought but each day he finds himself considering it more and more. He doesn't know what happened to the two of them. The first few months were wonderful and yeah, he had never had a girlfriend before, but even Henry can see something shifted. He just doesn't know when, or why. But it definitely escalated after Uncle Bruno died.

And Summer was right about one thing: Henry _has_ changed. Although Henry had thought he'd changed for the better, not worse. He feels happier and more passionate about the things he cares about, which probably plays a bit into why he gets so much more affected now when Summer is angry with him. He's not sure why but he's finally got a close group of friends, he's got a great team of professors this semester, and he has Summer who, when she isn't upset, is just so lovely. His life was fine before but now it feels like there's so much color in it.

But...

Henry doesn't know what's more unsettling, that perhaps he has, indeed, _not_ changed for the better, _or_ if he has and that's precisely the reason why Summer's been so upset with him these last few months. He doesn't know which is worse.

So, instead, Henry throws himself into his schoolwork when he doesn't really have to, his professor points out at the fourth office hour he goes to. He's so preoccupied with his courses and his own shortcomings that he forgets Bess and George are coming up in a few days. So he gets quite a surprise when his phone rings, Bess's name flashing on the screen, as he's heating up dinner. He expects he can only go so long without responding and still expect his friends to think he's simply busy, and nothing more. Or maybe she's calling to remind him about the visit. She hadn't been sure if Omega Chi would have enough space for her and George. Henry hadn't been sure what to say so he told Bess to keep him posted.

Henry punches in the numbers on the microwave and grabs his phone off the counter. He answers and is even more surprised when Bess is quiet on the other end.

"Hey!"

He waits for Bess to respond but she stays silent on the other end. Henry tries again, his voice curious. "Bess?"

"Hey," she responds. She sounds sad and Henry should not be as blindsided by that fact as he is.

"What's up? Is something wrong? Are you okay?"

"Yes. Well, no. I mean..." Bess sighs. "I got into a fight with Logan earlier today and I just wanted to talk to someone. To You."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Bess chuckles humorlessly. "We got in a big fight and to make matters worse I'm coming up in a few days. So let's see how awkward that'll be."

"Can... can I ask what the fight was about?"

"Yeah. So, well. I don't know if you know this but for the last few summers Logan's been interning with this paranormal investigator. Or former paranormal investigator? I really dunno what's goin' on on that end."

Henry blinks. "Oh yeah, I know. He's even gone and traveled with her before, right? Like, to Japan or Singapore, right?"

"Yeah, Japan." Bess is silent for a beat. "That's actually where I met him."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Bess affirms. "I was on a trip with George and Nancy. Nancy stumbled upon a case at the place she was staying at, because of course she did. She's fuckin' Nancy Drew. But anyways, yeah. That's where I met him."

"Oh, I didn't know that," Henry replies. Logan mentioned meeting Bess during the internship but not through Nancy on a case. _Huh, small world,_ he thinks.

"Yeah. And well. I was under the impression that he was gonna keep working for her when he graduated this Spring, right?"

"Right."

"And, obviously, since he's _literally_ a _junior_ in _college_ I was under the impression he was gonna graduate from Emerson, _right_?"

"Yeah... " The unease dripping from Henry's tone. Wherever Bess is going with this, he doesn't like it.

"Because _who_ in their right mind would _actually_ transfer schools in their _second_ - _semester_ _junior_ _year_ of _college_ , right?"

"Bess, Bess. What're you sayin'?"

"What I'm saying is," Bess said, a mean, sarcastic edge to her voice that pierces Henry. "He fucking applied to school in Glasgow. In Scotland. And got in. He's transferring. After this semester."

"What? What. No, that--what _?"_

Henry doesn't know how to respond. That doesn't sound like Logan. For him to act on a whim without thinking of others in the moment, yeah that sounds like him. But for him to have made the decision _and_ sit on it for three weeks? For him to not tell Bess for three weeks? For him to not tell _any_ of them? That doesn't sound like him. Henry suddenly feels a pit in his stomach. Logan hasn't stopped by to use the spare room in a week now... Henry hasn't texted him. He feels like a terrible friend.

"He didn't _tell_ me about Scotland," Bess continues, oblivious to Henry's sudden crisis. "Like, I met him in Japan; I know he likes to travel, whether it's part of his job or not. I know it's important to him. And I know he liked working for Savannah, even if she was neurotic and even if he was just a personal assistant. He used to say it was 'too weird to quit.' So I thought he was gonna keep working for her. I guess something changed."

"Hes--? What?" Henry says, unable to move on from the bomb Bess just dropped. The pit in his stomach just gets heavier. He knew Logan loved that job but for him to suddenly quit... didn't know that, either. His friend is _leaving_ and he doesn't know why.

Bess doesn't even react. She just continues without missing a beat.

"Like! Scotland! Really? Where the hell did that come from? Savannah and him always travelled but they've never gone to Scotland. Why would he suddenly wanna go to school _there?_ What even _for_? I even asked him if he'd be able to graduate. Not just on time but also with his C.S. degree. And why _now_? He's a junior in college, that's so important! This time is so important and I just don't get it... he's about to be a senior soon. And... and I know he likes traveling but I thought he had a reason to stay 'round here but... I guess not."

She faltered for a second before mustering up the frustration she felt earlier and continued. "But instead he's gone and decided to fuckin' go to _Scotland_ and he just... didn't even think to mention that," she says, the hurt palpable in her tone. "I wouldn't've tried to stop him. I would've encouraged him, even. I just would've liked to have known..." Henry hears Bess groan in frustration over the line. He fumbles to respond. His own chest feels heavy from the knowledge that Logan is leaving and leaving soon. But Bess being hurt is worse than anything. He shoves his own feelings aside and forces himself to respond.

"I...I don't know. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, Bess. I am. I don't know what changed or why he decided to not tell you when things did but... You're both my friends, so I don't wanna take sides. And while that was shitty and I get why you're hurt, because I'm hurt too, I like to think that there has to be a reason for it. Maybe not a good one, but something... ya know...?"

"He didn't even _think_ of telling me. It wasn't just 'cause he forgot or wanted to spend more time with me without a countdown looming over our heads. He just didn't even consider it. What do _you_ think that means?"

"I--I really don't know. I'm sorry. But, talk to him? Please? You're both important to me and I don't want y'all breaking up over this. And you know he cares for you."

"Maybe," Bess mumbled through with the phone. "It's just... I wish he'd told me."

"When does he leave?" Henry asks gently.

"I dunno. I hung up the phone before he could say anything," Bess sighs audibly through the phone. "I wish he would've told me. I wouldn't have gotten angry at him, not like this. But, honestly, it's not just this. This is just... piling on everything else... but it definitely takes the fucking cake... " She trails off, huffing when she can't find the words.

"Whaddya mean?'" Henry asks, gently.

"It's just... a lot of things. And we just... don't seem like a couple, ya know? We haven't, not for a while. I think... I'm beginning to think we just got caught up in the idea of each other. And I've realized..." Bess shakes her head, not particularly caring that Henry can't see.

Henry's eyebrows furrowed. "What d'ya mean by that?"

"Nothin' don't worry about it. I'll figure it out."

"Yeah."

"Yeah," Bess echoes.

They're silent on the line for a few moments. The weight of Logan's decision settling in the air. Henry finally is cognizant of the way the counter has been digging into his lower back for the last ten minutes. He moves to sit down at the kitchen table before the microwave beeps loudly. As he begins to take out his dinner with one hand he hears shuffling on the other end of the phone.

"Sorry, I just. I don't know what to say. What to do. But I wanna stay on the line," Bess admits.

"It's okay. Same here."

"Let's talk about something else because honestly this is doing my head in and I just can't keep running through the why's and if's. Not tonight, at least."

Henry hums into the phone as he puts his dinner on the table. When Bess speaks again he can almost picture her sitting up straighter and mustering up every last bit of energy to wipe away the somber mood between them.

"So, how're you? I know you it's 'round finals time and everything. You must be busy, studying and all. I hope you're takin' care of yourself. You mentioned you wanting to see a therapist a bit ago. Did anything ever come of that?"

_She remembered that?_ Henry thinks but doesn't say. Instead he sighs, letting Bess change the subject for now. She is right; it won't do anyone any good to keep getting themselves worked up over this tonight. If she can pretend that it's not like Logan just dropped a bomb on both of them for the moment then so can he.

"Yeah, I did, actually. I looked up some places. I'm gonna try out the school counseling services first, since that's free."

"Oh, that's good! Kind of like those little samples you get at Costco? To see if you really like it before you pay for the full thing."

Henry chuckles. "Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly."

"Nailed it. So did you go? How was it?"

"I actually haven't gone yet..."

"What? Why not?"

"Well I wanted to see how Summer felt about it."

"Oh."

Henry's only heard Bess's voice go that flat when Summer is the topic of their conversations. Normally, he'd try and ignore it but today he understands it completely. Especially with what he's about to tell her.

"Yeah, kinda dumb. I know. I didn't really _have_ to tell her but I did. She's the closest thing I have to family; I just wanted to know her thoughts and stuff about it..."

Bess hums on the other end of the line. "And from that tone you've got is it safe for me to assume that she didn't take it well?"

"Oh yeah. That'd be an understatement."

"I'm sorry. I mean, you don't need her permission, though. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know. Still kinda sucks. Like, at first she tells me I never talk to her. Then she doesn't want me to when I do, and so then I don't, and then she gets mad again and the whole thing repeats. Like, what am I supposed to do with that?"

"I really don't know. I'm sorry, Henry. That really sucks."

"Yeah."

"Looks like we're dealing with opposite problems," Bess remarks, chuckling humorlessly to herself.

"Yeah." Henry shakes his head, breaking the staring contest he was having with the kitchen table. His eyes roam around the kitchen, over the towel draped on the back of the chair. He looks over at the stove, seeing the buildup on the burners. He makes a mental note to clean it. He leans back, resting more of his weight on the counter behind him, the microwave humming along. He wonders what Bess is seeing on her end of the line.

"It's just--I feel like I'm always doing something wrong. I feel like I'm always choosin' the wrong option. Are relationships supposed to be this hard?" Henry asks after a few more minutes go by.

"No," Bess says, "They're not." She waits a minute before asking her own question, staring at the way the street lights and blinds create patterns on her bedroom wall. "Is this all there is?" She trails off, her frustration palpable through the phone.

"I like to think not," Henry replies honestly. She doesn't provide much context, but Henry knows what she's asking. What he doesn't know is why she's asking it.

He doesn't understand why Bess would be unhappy with Logan... they're nothing like him and Summer. But he wants to support her in the way she has always supported him, even if he doesn't know what's going on with the two of them, so he speaks of _his_ wishes. Of his experience. And he's surprised; he didn't know he felt that until he said it. Didn't know that he felt that, by admission and through his own reply, that he agrees with Bess; that maybe... just maybe, what he has with Summer isn't exactly normal. Maybe there's supposed to be more than... whatever it is he has with Summer (they're dating, yes, but he honestly doesn't know what they are at this point).

Maybe relationships aren't supposed to be this tiring... maybe they're supposed to be different... better... _And maybe,_ Henry thinks, _maybe I deserve that._ He knows Bess _definitely_ deserves that. If she can't find it with Logan, he hopes she can find it with someone else. So long as he can play a small part in that happiness, or just offer her comfort, Henry will be happy, will feel like he did something right.

So he tells her that there is more, even if he doesn't really believe so. Not for him, at least.

Bess's voice brings him back to reality. "George and Nancy tease me about being boy crazy--about them not being able to keep up with my latest crush or boyfriend--but they're right. I always think I've found 'the one' and I'm always wrong... Hey, Henry?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever been in love? Like for real, actual in love?"

Henry considers this. He's told Summer he loves her plenty of times but as the months go on he finds it harder to get the words out. It's always been hard for him to be verbally affectionate (grade school teachers did always say he was a reserved boy, almost cold in his demeanor). But he's also blunt. He may be a bit emotionally repressed but he did always believe that, once he found someone he cared about, he would be able to tell them how he feels with ease. Maybe he wouldn't say the words often, but every time he would they would be said with conviction.

He wants to say he has doubts. That maybe, six months ago, he believed he was in love with Summer. And maybe he really was. But, lately, he isn't so sure.

But now is not the time to get into that and Bess is not the person he should have that conversation with. He may be inexperienced with dating but he at least knows _that_ much.

"Have you?" Henry replies.

"I... I don't know," Bess replies quietly. Sullenly. "Not yet, or not fully. I want to, though. I always think I do, and I'm always wrong."

"It's not that you're wrong," Henry begins, checking the time on the microwave. "I think you just... get swept up in the moment. I think you're in love with the idea of being in love."

Bess hums. "Yeah..."

Henry pushes on. "Just... maybe try and see people for who they _are_. Go with the flow a bit more? Again, I really can't speak on this shit since I've only ever dated one person but, I don't know. It's just what I think. Feel free to ignore."

"No, I think you have a point. I think I keep tryin' to force it. I've probably been looking in the wrong places, too. I dunno."

"Only you can answer that," Henry says. There's silence over the line for a few minutes. He hears Bess moving around over the line and waits for her to settle. Once she does she asks him another question.

"What happens if you fall in love with the wrong person?"

That pulls a laugh out of Henry. "I don't get why you think I've got all the answers. What do ya think "social outcast" and "has never had a girlfriend before in my life" means?" Henry responds, readjusting the phone at his ear.

"Just humor me, Mr. Biologist," Bess laughs. "You should know these things. It's, like, part of us. Literally written in our biology."

"Oh booooo," Henry jeers, giving Bess a thumbs down despite her not being able to see it. Bess laughs and asks him to answer, seriously, through her giggles.

"Well," Henry starts, "I don't think the act of falling in love is wrong. I don't think falling in love can ever be wrong. You can't help it, and love is a good thing when all is said and done, I like to think."

"Yeah," Bess acquiesces, "it's just timing and stuff that makes it wrong, I guess."

"I guess... Hey, Bess?"

Bess hums. Henry continues, "Did you fall in love with the wrong person?"

"I don't know..." Bess says softly, voice stretching out as she speaks, as if she's combing through her memories as she answers. "I think I might've overestimated my feelings for one... and underestimated them for another. I don't know."

"That... is a bit confusing. But you're conflicted, at the very least, which means something, I think. The person you underestimate your feelings for, the one you seem to think you've fallen in love with, _are_ they the wrong person?"

"I don't know. If so they're not--like, nothing's wrong with them! And it's not bad, nothing like that! Just like I said, the timing and the situation? That's what's bad."

"I believe you, I believe you. It's okay, Bess," Henry placates. His mouth twists into a frown. "I know but just... please. I don't know who it is but look... I know he just pulled a real dick move on you, but if that is so then you know it's not fair to Logan--"

"I know, I know, okay? I'm trying to be sure. I don't understand and I'm not sure yet but I will be. And I will let him know as soon as I do."

"Okay, okay," Henry says. He knows the last thing Bess Marvin would do in this world would deliberately hurt someone, let alone someone she cares about. He just knew he wouldn't feel ok without reminding her of the fact. Logan may be loud and forgetful but he's a good guy. And he always has a smile on his face when he talks about Bess. Or at least used to. Logan hasn't mentioned Bess in awhile, now that Henry thinks of it. But then again he doesn't expect every other word out of Logan's mouth to be about Bess. It's been about 5 months now, he's probably just settled into the relationship. No more "honeymoon phase." But both are Henry's friends. They both deserve to be happy, whatever form that may take. For Logan, that may mean Scotland. And for Bess... he doesn't really know. He just hopes in the meantime he can be of some help.

"I believe you," Henry continues. "Just had to say it. Y'know. For the record."

"I know," Bess agrees. "I've just been... stressed. Confused."

Henry snorts. "Join the club."

"Yeah... Hey, Henry? About before... you asked if relationships supposed to be this hard," she reminds him. She speaks softly, almost afraid of how he'll react. "And it's just... They're not. You de--You deserve better, Henry."

Visions of his and Summer's latest fight comes to the forefront of his mind. He feels his cheeks run hot with embarrassment. An admission in and of itself. Henry's voice is clipped when he responds. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'm just--I... Henry," Bess fumbles. He knows she's too timid to say what she really thinks and so he takes advantage of that.

"Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it. You don't know-! Just stop. I don't want to talk about this. Nothing's wrong."

"I-Henry, please. I just want you to be happy... and just lately, you don't seem--"

"I'm fine," he snaps. "You don't need to worry about me."

"I-I know but I do. I'm your friend--"

"Bess, please," Henry says firm, yet pleading. His voice takes on a softer tone.

He can't have this conversation. Not now, not with Bess. He isn't sure why but all he wants is for her to drop it. He won't realize until later that night when he's laying in bed, mulling over the conversation, that it's because her words are hitting too close to home; that his own subconscious has been whispering the same things. He's not prepared for this. Not right now. It's one thing to admit to himself, it's another to say it out loud. Because if he does... then it's real... and he knows he'll finally have to make a decision: he can either lose the only person who has ever wanted him, or he can stop running himself ragged by staying with them.

"Okay," Bess says softly through the phone. "Okay."


	4. Chapter 3

It's 7 p.m. when Henry hears a knock on his door. He grabs his wallet and opens the door only to find George Fayne on his doorstep instead of the same burly UberEats guy he always ends up getting on Tuesday nights. His face must give away his utter surprise when George's entire demeanor slumps.

"Oh my god," George says, shoulders sagging and one bag falling off her shoulder and down her arm. "Bess didn't tell you."

"Uh, tell me what?" Henry says, still holding the door open.

"That, um. That there was, uh... no room for me. At Omega Chi."

Henry blinked. "Oh, uh. No, she didn't."

George hummed in acknowledgement. She hoisted her bag back onto her shoulder and looked off to the side.

"I, um," Henry stuttered. He had _not_ planned on this. He feels annoyance and anger rising up through his chest. But then George starts rambling on about how _it's fine. There's probably a couch to sleep on, It's really not a big deal. Sorry to bother you._ He sees how she starts walking down the steps of his stoop, avoiding eye contact for the most part. He feels the anger drain down to his feet and out.

"No-! It's, uh, it's okay. Really. Y'can come in and stay the night. Sorry, was just surprised. Was expecting someone, but not you," he attempts to joke. It doesn't really land.

"No, Henry, really. This was sprung on you and it really isn't that big of a deal. You don't have to. Seriously," George argues back earnestly.

"No offense, George, but it kinda does seem like it's a big deal."

"Henry, look. It's seriously fine, I just thought I'd try my luck here. But I know you have a girlfriend, and I know you didn't know about this before. That's real uncool of me and I don't wanna make you feel like you've gotta let me stay--"

Henry put out a hand, cutting George off mid-sentence. He dropped his tone, speaking calmly. "George, it's okay, really. I was just a little surprised is all. I'm really fine with you staying over tonight. I'm not uncomfortable with it," he paused. "Did they make _you_ feel uncomfortable? Back at the frat house?"

George gave a grim little smile. She looked down as she fiddled with the bag's strap. "It's really fine I--"

"C'mon on in then 'cause I've got nothin' but sweatpants and a shirt on," Henry interrupted George. "I'm technically _in_ the house but I've been holding this door open and I'm freezing. 'Least you've got a coat on."

George rolled her eyes and smiled, giving Henry an exaggerated salute. Henry stepped aside to give her room to walk in with her bags. Forty minutes later they're sitting at the kitchen table, a whole pizza pie between them. For the most part it's light conversation with a few lulls. Henry knows Bess, not her cousin. But he finds that's not a big issue. George is a calming presence and lulls in the conversation feel natural, not awkward. She surprises him when he finds her eyes on him. She's staring at him intently. Henry just tilts his head in confusion.

"I'm sorry I know this is awkward. And I know how you got a girlfriend and all."

_Oh yeah. Right._

"Summer will be cool with it," Henry replied. _Liar._

George raised her eyebrow. "Really?"

Henry took a big bite of pizza and nodded. He didn't look at her. George stared at him for another minute before going back to her own slice.

"Well I really appreciate it. I, uh, you were right. How'd you know, by the way?" George said. Henry looked up from his slice of pizza, meeting George's eye from across the table. "That I felt uncomfortable there?"

Henry forced the pizza to go down and took a sip of his water. "Deduction, I guess? Bess had mentioned that the frat might not have enough room in the first place. But then you had said you could sleep on a couch or something there, which kinda makes it seem like there is room, y'know? You also dodged my questions so... kinda obvious."

George hummed and took a few bites of her own slice.

"Can I ask why?"

At that, George looked up. She stares like she's reading his mind, though her own face is completely blank. Henry feels like one of his own slides under the microscope.

"I'd rather you not," she mumbles, polishing off the rest of her slice.

Henry nodded. He gestured towards the pizza, asking if she wanted another slice. George wordlessly held her plate in front of her. He tore one off for her and plopped it on her plate. They ate in a comfortable silence. Henry mentioned that he had some ice cream in the fridge and that he had an assignment due tonight but that she was free to have some and she could use the T.V. in the living room. George didn't answer.

"You're a pretty chill guy, Henry." And because that was too sentimental she adds, "For a simp."

Henry sputters. "Wha the- where did you get that from? Have you been talkin' to Ned?"

George hums, a smirk on her face. "Nope. Just obvious."

Henry grumbles _I'm not a simp_ as he takes another bite of his pizza. George just laughs. They've only just properly met, but George has a funny way of making it feel like they've known each other for years. He can see how she and Bess are related.

* * *

For two days Henry wakes up early and leaves to study at the library. He, along with many other overworked and sleep-deprived students wait outside the library until it opens. Thankfully he only has two classes to study for. His other classes all had big projects or papers due so he thankfully only has to worry about studying for two exams. He comes back home around noon to find George just waking up, unless Ned and Bess have already dragged her out of bed to go get breakfast. It honestly surprises him; even before he met her in person he's known that she loves boxing and running, which he associates with early practice. And her personality does not make her seem like someone who would sleep in. But it's her favorite guilty pleasure, apparently. And she and Bess already finished their finals so he can't knock her for it. He knows he'll lay around in bed all next week himself. Until then, though, he studies in the morning and hangs out with the Bess, George, Logan, and Ned in the afternoon and nighttime. Thankfully, Bess and Logan seemed to have made up to some degree. It's still strained but they do their best so as to not ruin the vibe. Ned is more withdrawn as well but is better at hiding it when the girls are around.

It's on the third day that things come crashing down. Not with Bess, not with Logan, but with Summer. With the whirlwind of finals, George suddenly showing up, and the Scotland-bomb Logan dropped on all of them, he completely forgot about how Summer hates his friends. He slipped up. That night Omega Chi Epsilon was hosting a party. They weren't holding many during reading days and Summer despises Ned, Logan, and by extension, their frat. So he thought it would be safe. But apparently he was wrong because they're all talking in the living room, having a good time even as they steadfastly ignore the country-sized elephant in the room, when he hears Summer's voice.

"Henry?"

Henry turns around to see Summer, drink in hand, just a few feet away from where he stood. He feels the color drain from his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asks, stepping right up to him, forcing Ned to take a step back to accommodate her in the little circle they've created. Henry can't even respond. So George does it for him.

"He's at a party," she says it like it's obvious. "What's so weird about that?"

Summer turns to George, eyebrows near her hairline. When she speaks it's very deliberate and slow, as if she's talking to a child. "What's "so weird" is that he is _my_ boyfriend and this doesn't concern you. Who even are you?"

"I'm his friend--"

"You're that Bess girl right?" Summer asks George. "Right?"

George doesn't respond. The real Bess moves to hide behind Henry as much as she can without drawing attention to herself. Summer is still staring at George, waiting for an answer. George merely glares at Summer, refusing to answer. That just makes Summer angrier. She can get mean when she drinks and it's clear that she's had a few. It would explain her making a scene, Henry tells himself. Summer turns back to Henry, disregarding George completely.

"So not only are you here, at O.C.E., and you're still hanging around these two," Summer says, gesturing to Logan and Ned. "But you also didn't delete her number!" Summer gestures to George, still thinking she is Bess.

"What-? Yes, they're my friends! And I did delete Bess's number" Henry says, attempting to placate her. He steadfastly ignores the look of shock on his friends' faces and the look of absolute hurt on Bess's. "I did, Summer, okay?"

George interjects, disdain clear in her voice. "You _made_ him delete--?"

Summer cuts her off. "This is none of your business."

"Jesus Christ, Summer," Logan says, looking her up and down. The disgust clear in his expression and voice. "He's not a dog. You can't treat him like that."

Henry ignores them all. He sighs, exasperated. "Summer, please. We can talk about this."

"Did I or did I not tell you to stop hanging around with them?" Summer insists.

"Us?" Ned asks incredulously. "You can't tell him who he can and can't hang out with. Especially when you've--" His comment gets cut off by a look from Logan. The two of them share a look that's not even noticed by the others. Since Henry told Ned about Logan suddenly transferring out of school, and the chapter president letting Ned know that he'd too get assigned a new roommate, he and Logan haven't been speaking. But even Ned can put aside his hurt and anger toward Logan in favor of Henry. He wouldn't be doing anyone, especially Henry, any favors if he was going to say what he wanted to say, and Logan saw that. _Logan really is a good friend_ , Ned thinks, _even if he's a jackass sometimes._

Meanwhile, Henry is still trying to diffuse the situation.

"Summer, please--" Henry doesn't think he can live down the shame of being berated like this in front of his friends. He just wants to talk about this in private. Summer would too, if she wasn't as angry as she is right now.

"I can't believe you! You must think I'm a joke, do you?" With that she turns on her heel and leaves the room, knowing that Henry has no choice but to run after her after that. In a way he's relieved. They can talk about this in private and avoid causing an even bigger scene. The music and conversations around them are too loud for anyone but his friends to hear but that's bad enough in Henry's eyes.

"Summer, Summer. Please calm down," he begs as he trails behind her. She stops and turns around to face him so quickly that Henry has to be stop himself from tripping forward and crashing into her. She walks away, still yelling.

"Calm down? You want me to _calm down?"_ She asks incredulously. "You have no fucking right to say that to me right now!"

"Look, Summer. I know you don't like my friends but you have to stop this. _This_ has to stop. You can't ask me to just not see them, to just not talk to them. That's not okay."

"But disrespecting your girlfriend is okay?"

"How? Tell me how because I don't fuckin' see it!"

"You lied to me," she spits out, her face red with anger. "You lied to me!"

"Because you gave me no choice! I feel like you give me the smallest margin of error and it just sets me up for failure."

"Oh so I'm the problem?"

"No! That's not what I meant--"

"Ya know what?" Summer asks, throwing her hands up in the air. "I'm done. Let's go home."

"Home?"

Summer nods. "Yeah. Let's go back to your apartment."

Henry just stares at her.

"No."

"No?"

"No. My friends are here. I'm out with my friends right now. You don't own me," he says haltingly.

Summer sputters, attempting to argue but there must be something in his expression that makes her realize that he won't budge. That he won't follow her home like a dog.

"I don't fucking recognize you anymore. You're not my boyfriend. You're not the sweet and caring guy I met in the spring," she spits. Henry watches Summer storm out. Her words hitting him in his core. _Guess I've got my answer,_ he thinks. Henry's still staring into space, trying to make sense of what just happened and what Summer had just said, when George's voice surprises him out of his stupor.

"I believed Bess when she told me your relationship wasn't good but I didn't believe how bad it was until I saw it with my own eyes. She has a tendency to be a bit melodramatic, y'know," George said, her expression nearly blank.

Henry doesn't answer. He looks at George before he finally takes in his surroundings. Summer had led them right into what looks like a bedroom. Or a room that should be a bedroom. There's only a futon, a desk, a desk chair, and an empty bookshelf with a Cards Against Humanity set on top. Henry looks back to George and feels shame washing over him all over again. She's staring at Henry like she had the first night she stayed over... when he had asked if he could inquire as to why she felt uncomfortable at the frat. Like she was analyzing him, assessing him.

"I joked about it the first night, callin' you a simp and all, but I can't joke about this. And I won't try. I don't know what, if anything, Bess has said to you but from what I just saw? That's not okay. The way your girlfriend," George said, nodding towards the door Summer had stormed out of, "just reacted is not okay. And this is me, George, an outsider, telling you this."

Henry shook his head. "It's not as bad as you think-"

"No it's not," George said. "It's worse. Why do you feel the need to justify her controlling you?"

That stops Henry in his tracks. "Okay, now hold on. That's too far-"

"It really isn't."

And it's the look on George's face that tells him she's right. But it's the mortification and dread swirling in his chest that makes him push back. "Look, it's not what you're making it out to be."

She crossed her arms, looking very much like his C.O. when Uncle Bruno sent him to military school in middle school, her expression one of stone. "And what do you think I'm making it out to be, Henry?"

Henry groans. "I just don't want to talk about this. Can you drop it? Please? God, I really didn't need this tonight."

"This clearly happens many a night," George states. "Not just tonight."

"It's not that serious. Summer isn't a bad person, she just gets--"

George regards Henry with a very serious countenance. "When is it gonna matter, Henry?"

"What?"

"From what I saw," George begins, speaking carefully. "If the way she was just treating you now doesn't matter, and hasn't mattered in the past, when will it matter?"

Henry opens his mouth but doesn't know what he plans to say. He sits up maneuvers around her to walk back into the hall. She simply turns around and waits under the door jamb. George is patient but expects a response. After a few minutes of fumbling Henry just sighs, turning around to face her.

"Please, George." He pinches the bridge of his nose.

"What is so special about her?"

Henry stops in his tracks and looks back at George. She's visibly confused. He sighs and leans back on the hallway wall. He decides to answer honestly, brutally, even if it sounds cringey to his own ears.

"Summer is the only person who's ever wanted me. Like, at all," Henry says. He thought bearing his soul was supposed to make him feel better, not feel like his chest will ache to the point of cracking. George stays where she's standing.

"Henry," she says, more gently than before. "There are people who want you. Bess, Ned, Logan..."

"It's different."

"How?"

"It just is."

"It's different between friends and girlfriends," Henry grinds out. He doesn't think he can elaborate any further. Whenever he thinks about it too much he feels like crying. And he hasn't cried since New Orleans and doesn't plan on doing it now. He chances a glance at George; one of her elbows is on the armrest and propping her head up. Her face is drawn tight and he's glad she's taking him seriously. Sometimes it feels like no one does. He'll always be little melodramatic Henry, he guesses.

"I firmly believe that love, particularly platonic love, is just as important, if not more, than romantic love. But I get what you mean. But I don't think _you_ understand something," George pauses, only continuing when Henry meets her gaze. "The way she "wants" you, the way she "loves" you... is that what _you_ want? Like, can you honestly say that's okay, that you're happy with all that?"

Henry doesn't answer. He pinches the bridge of his nose. The music is pounding and his head is ringing with the things Summer said. His gut twists and he sees George out of the corner of his eye. She waits a few more moments for him to answer. It's only when she opens her mouth again to speak that Henry does answer her question.

"It's all I have."

George simply looks at Henry, her expression blank. "It's not all you _will_ have, though. And you won't find anyone else who "wants" you in the way you hope if you stay with someone like that."

Slumped against the wall, Henry lets her words wash over him. He'll think about it later. He'll deal with it later. He doesn't realize he said that out loud until George shakes her head.

"Something's gotta give, Henry," she says. She walks past him, making her way back to the party. She stops and looks back at Henry. "And just so you know, it doesn't just affect you now. If I ever see or hear about Bess being treated like that by your girlfriend again there's gonna be trouble. She's a good person and doesn't deserve that. You should be a good friend and defend her. The only reason it was me who followed you out here, to try and knock some sense into you, is 'cause of her. She asked me to follow you. Make sure you were okay. And that's because she felt like she'd only make things worse... Don't ever make her feel like that again."

And that's where George leaves him. Henry stays slumped against the wall for awhile. After half an hour he feels his phone vibrate with a message.

_in: 🅱️eer 🅱️ressure_

_Logan: fire escape?_

_Henry: [liked Logan's message]_

_be there in a few_

He puts his phone away and makes his way up to Ned and Logan's room. He's maneuvers his way carefully throughout the room, Logan's side much messier than usual. _It's exam time,_ Henry's mind supplies. He opens the window and crawls out. Logan's already there, off to the side and leaning on the rail. Henry puts his hands in his jean pockets and leans back against the window.

"You alright?" He asks.

Logan chuckles. "Should be me asking you."

Henry shrugs. "I'll figure it out. Later. Summer wanted to leave but I said no."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? I'll believe it when I see it."

"What the hell, man?"

Logan shakes his head. "We're sick of hearing about it man."

And Henry feels the sharp ice of hurt rather than red hot fury of anger. The last thing he wants to be is a burden to his friends, or disappointment them. The way his face shutters must give Logan enough of an insight into Henry's internal panic because he quickly moves to correct himself.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that," Logan reassures. "Like we're always gonna be here if you wanna talk but we're sick of seeing her treating you like this, man."

"This is the first time you've seen--"

"We see a lot more than you think, Henry."

The look Logan gives Henry is enough to stop him in his place. It's also a look of pure exhaustion, so Henry doesn't push it.

"Well whatever. So," Henry starts, deliberately changing topics. "You wanna talk about it? About... y'know..."

Logan turns to look at Henry, his brow crinkled in confusion. "About what?"

"Scotland."

Logan tenses up. Not much but noticeable enough. It's the first time Henry's brought the topic up; he isn't even sure if Logan knew that he knew. Logan scuffs the toe of his shoes on the fire escape. Henry presses on: "Were you ever gonna tell us?"

Logan winces. "Honestly, I don't know. It all happened so fast. I wasn't really thinking..."

"That's right, you weren't thinking," Henry says harshly.

"I know, I know," Logan agrees. "I just felt like... haven't you ever wanted to start over? Have things ever been just so... never mind, forget it."

Silence falls between them and Henry lets it. It's another few minutes before either one of them speak again.

"What about you and Bess?" Henry asks.

"Bess and I broke up."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. The day after she got here we broke up. I've been bunking with Buck in his room. Ya know, Ned's little brother in the frat? Bess has been staying in there," Logan says, gesturing towards the window and into his and Ned's room.

"Oh. Wow, Logan, I'm sorry--"

"Don't be. It's for the best, honest. It's a relief."

"A relief? What?" Henry says sharply. "Is it really all that easy? That easy to just break up with Bess? That easy to just not tell Ned or me you're moving across the goddamn ocean?'" And Henry suddenly feels a surge of indignant anger on behalf of Bess. She's a great person and Logan is lucky to have her. _Was_ lucky to have her. Logan's gaze snaps back to Henry.

"No, no. It's not like that. Bess is great and you and Ned are my closes friends it's just--It's just... there's a lot going on, man. And I just," he shrug. "I dunno. I just don't... feel anything. I don't want to be here. Everything's just so, gray, ya know? I need a fresh start."

Henry's about to launch into a tirade about how you can't just toss people and places aside so easily. How you just can't treat people like that, no matter what. And it's then that Henry sees it.

For the first time, there's no LED lights flashing across Logan's face. For the first time, Logan isn't waving his arms around as he regales a tale from the weekend. For the first time, Logan's not sporting a grin as bright as his teeth.

Instead, Henry sees the number of beers Logan throws back. Instead, Henry sees the clothes from weeks past littered on the floor. Instead, Henry sees Logan's smile yank into place when someone clasps his shoulder, attention back on him. He sees Logan in the dining hall, in the library, in his own apartment, in the frat house.

And now he's seeing Logan on the fire escape, shrouded in street lights. Logan gives a small, pity of a smile. The bass of the song playing in the house is loud and imposing, but Henry hears the crack. He hears the hairline fracture in his own heart as he realizes.

Logan isn't happy.

Henry opens his mouth to say something, to get some sort of confirmation because suddenly he's worried. He's worried in a way he never has been before. He couldn't save his parents and he couldn't save Uncle Bruno. And he knows he's going to the worst case scenario but in a really pathetic way, he thinks, that's what his entire life has been. At least with his loved ones. He's sick of seeing those he cares about leave or lose themselves. He opens his mouth to say something, anything, when a knock on the window behind him interrupts him. He turns around and sees the last of their trio has finally made it upstairs.

"Can I join y'all?" Ned asks as he opens the window.

"Y-yeah, of course," Henry says. He'll blame any fumbling of his words on the cold night air. He shifts so Ned can climb out. Once he's climbed out he closes the window just enough so that his and Logan's room doesn't get cold, but also leaves it open enough that they can get back inside. Ned turns back around. He stuffs in hands in his sweatshirts pockets and looks out onto the street. Henry's standing next to him, leaning against the side of the house. Logan's still in the same spot he was when Henry found him out here; off to the side leaning against the railing and looking out towards the alleyway.

"So you're going then." Ned's blunt and doesn't phrase it as a question, but as a statement. Logan's suggestion to go to the fire escape, their secret-but-not-so-secret refuge, was telling enough. It was his way of finally "breaking" the news that they already heard about.

"Yeah," Logan regards Ned carefully, almost guiltily.

"It's a shit move," Ned says, lolling his head to the side to look at Logan. "A real shit move not telling us."

"I know," Logan acquiesces. "I didn't know how to."

Ned just nods, his jaw set. "I've got finals on Monday and Wednesday. So you'll need to move your shit out sometime after then."

Ned's not looking at Logan. He's looking straight out ahead onto the street but when Logan nods Ned nods back in acknowledgement. And with that he turns back around and opens up the window, mumbling about it being too cold for them to be out there. When he's gone Henry looks between the window and Logan.

"He'll come around," Henry says, suddenly playing the role of mediator. He feels suddenly subdued. He's still upset that Logan is just leaving within a month and hadn't told them. Wasn't going to tell them. However Logan is feeling doesn't give him an excuse to do all this... but it could give an explanation. However Logan needs a friend, no matter how much he himself isn't being one right now. He needs to know that things will be alright. Eventually. If Logan wants it to be. But it has to be _him_. It can't be Henry or Ned and it won't be.

But right now Logan is hurting. They all are, in various ways and degrees. Ned doesn't get angry or upset very often. Not often at all, really. He's placid and a voice of reason. A pillar of support. But when he is hurt and angry, he doesn't know how to deal with it. Henry's never seen him upset before except for that fight he had awhile back with Nancy. He's like a kicked puppy or angsty teen. He just needs time. And right now Logan just needs someone to not make him feel like all is lost. And it's Henry who's beside him now. No one else.

"He'll come around," Henry repeats. "He just needs time."

"He's not wrong," Logan points out.

"I never said he was," Henry says plainly. He doesn't know what else to say after that. The mood has shifted and he suddenly feels very tired. He doesn't have to wrack his brain for anything else to say because Logan beats him to it.

"You should go inside, Henry." _I want to be alone._

Henry plays along. "Yeah, I'm getting cold. You gotta come in soon, though. You'll catch your death."

Henry visibly flinches. Renée _always_ said that. He shakes his head and looks at Logan as he opens up the window. "I'ma come up in ten minutes if you don't."

Logan merely nods. Henry crawls through the window, mindful to not put his feet on the piles of clothes Logan's left on the floor. He leaves the window cracked open for Logan when he's ready to come back inside and join the rest of them.

* * *

East Boston in January is brutal. It's cold and rainy and climate change has taken away most of winter's charm: snow. Except not all of it. There's always just enough snowfall each January to ground flights and cause traveling frustration. Logan's flight as been delayed an hour. Ned, Bess, George, and Henry are all sitting with Logan just outside the terminal.

They've all said their major goodbyes beforehand, before the delay was announced and when he was originally supposed to make his way towards the gate. So now they're all just talking amongst themselves as they wait for Logan to get the go-ahead to make his way. George is looking up facts about Glasgow and Scotland in general, teasing Logan for "what's soon to come" as she puts it. Ned... well Ned is a little in the background. He's past his petty, isolation phase now. That's clear. He's had about a month to figure things out. Henry's not sure if the two have talked about it all but at least Ned isn't icing Logan out anymore. Earlier Ned pulled Logan aside to have a private chat. Henry can only guess what was said.

Bess is quiet, too. She and Logan broke up a month ago and Henry's honestly surprised at the lack of animosity between them. Bess was so upset when she found out about Logan moving to Scotland within the month, effectively spitting on their relationship. Henry leans forward to prop his elbows on his thighs. His legs haven't stopped bouncing since they've arrived and the longer they sit in the airport the less he's able to blame it on the cold.

Finally Logan's flight gets its announcement. He gets up and they all say goodbye once more. Bess gives him a hug while George pats him on the back. Ned comes up to his side and clasps Logan on the shoulder, giving a sort of side-hug. They all joke with Logan, saying that as soon as he gets all comfy on his plane watch it get delayed and delayed until it's cancelled altogether. They all laugh when Bess says for him to say hi to Nancy over there. _She's never been there in her life,_ Bess said, _but it's only a matter of time before some case sends her out there._ They all got a good laugh at that and suddenly it's the last month hadn't occurred. That nothing changed and wouldn't change. But eventually Logan does have to start making his way. He still has to get through security. He picks up his things and Ned tells him to let them all know when he lands. Logan says he will and then they're all watching walk away. It's when Logan reaches the line that Henry suddenly finds himself jogging to catch up to him.

"Wait! Logan!"

Logan turns around in line, eyebrow raised. Henry jogs up to the barrier and grasps Logan's shoulder. He hadn't planned on this, but he knows what he wants to say. What he needs to say. Because all he can think about right now is how he never had a proper conversation with his uncle and how he never got to even know his parents. He's terrified this will be the last he sees of his friend, in every sense of the word.

"You're my friend, Logan."

Logan's face shows slight confusion before he cracks a grin. "Yeah, I know? What, that's it?" Suddenly Logan's eyes get comically big and he tilts his head teasingly. "Now don't say you've gone and fallen in love with me. I mean, I totally get it. I'm a catch, after all. But I _am_ about to get on a plane for Scotland so... ya know. You've got some shit timing there, dude."

Henry rolls his eyes and shakes Logan's shoulder a bit. "No, you dumbass. It's just... you are my friend. Let me know when you land. Let me know when you get to your place, okay?"

"Yeah, man. O'course," Logan said, voice softening.

"I just... I hope Scotland is where you're meant to be. I hope it has what you're looking for."

Logan looks away and takes a deep breath. He looks back to Henry but doesn't quite look him in the eye. "Me too, man. Me too."

"Hey Henry?"

"Yeah?"

Logan looks at him for a moment, the delay in his response belying its importance. "You've gotta stop being afraid to want better for yourself, man."

Henry blinks. "What?"

"You heard me," Logan said, not unkindly.

They stare at each other for a moment before Henry sighs. He did hear him. He did and he'll think on it later. But he has something more important to get out.

"Well I gotta say something too," Henry asserts. Logan quirks an eyebrow.

Instead of elaborating Henry takes a step back away from the gate. He takes out his old DLSR from his bag. He positions his camera and snaps a photo of Logan without a word. He looks up and turns the camera around so Logan can see the screen. The screen is lit up with his photo of Logan at the gate, the bright white windows off to the side washing half of his body in bright light, the other shrouded in shadows by contrast. He speaks and points to the screen as he does so, not really caring if Logan can't see the photo that clearly or not.

"I wanted one for the road."

At that, Logan looks Henry right in the eyes. People keep walking past him to get to the front and the intercom is blaring delays and cancellations but Henry and Logan are silent. Logan lets go of his suitcase handle to clasp Henry on the shoulder as well.

"I don't know what'll happen," Logan says, candid as always but vulnerable in a way he never has been before. "But I'll come back. Don'tcha trust me?"

"I don't know," Henry said, forcing levity into his voice. "You were the one to give me that pineapple and blue-raspberry vodka mix you made and failed to mention the vodka part. I was incapacitated for the entire weekend."

Logan laughs. "That's not the insult you think it is." He gives Henry's shoulder a squeeze. "I'm leaving for Scotland but I'm not _leaving_. I won't, Henry."

"Good. You better not," Henry warns. "And y'know, if you need to talk... I'm a bit of a night owl. And Ned's an early bird, as you well know. Call whenever."

"Ned already said as much," Logan tells him. "But I will. Thanks, Henry."

He looks from side to side and leans back. He gives Henry's shoulder one last squeeze before he takes his hand away, grabbing his suitcase once more. "I gotta go. I'll see you."

"Not if I see you first," Henry retorts. Logan laughs, giving him a ' _yeah, yeah_ ' type nod. He walks towards security. After he's through that he turns around one last time and waves to them all. Henry waves back, not realizing the others are now beside him as well. They watch Logan walk a little further and turn a corner until he's completely out of sight. And just like Ned, Bess, George, and Henry all look at each other. They silently make their way to out of the airport and into George's car.

It takes them an hour or so to get back home. They all convene at Henry's apartment. They break out a pack of White Claws and toast some pecans on the stove. They're all just talking. Some of it about the upcoming semester, some of it about Logan. Eventually, they get around to Henry's melodramatic 'chase' after Logan. It starts off a joke, them teasing Henry good-naturedly. It was a little silly, now that he thinks about it, but Henry is glad he did it. It was more important to at least _try_ and say something to Logan.

"What even was that all about anyway?" George asks.

Henry shrugs. "Just wanted to wish him well. Talk to him one-on-one, ya know. I'm worried about him, honestly."

Bess puts her drink down, a frown on her face. "Why?"

"Just... look you guys didn't hear any of this from me but Logan... I think something's up."

"Like what?" Ned asks, leaning forward in his chair. Henry shrugs again. He puts one of his hands on the back of his neck.

"Look I'm not a doctor and I never even got it totally confirmed from Logan himself but I don't think he's in a good place."

"Whaddya mean?" Bess interjects. "He's on the plane to Glasgow. Off to bigger and better things and all that."

"I'm not so sure."

When Henry gets three confused faces looking at him he continues. "Just think about it!" Henry exclaims. He looks at George, Ned, and Bess pointedly in the eye. "Who just suddenly decides to up an' leave like that? During such an important time? And _so_ suddenly? And without telling _anyone_ a _thing_ about it? And he suddenly loses interest and quits a job he really enjoyed? He won't be able to work for that ghost-hunting lady now. None of this makes sense and happened so quickly. Logan... he didn't seem like he was going on some great adventure. It seemed like he was trying to outrun something. He just seemed so tired... I wonder how long he's felt like that, if so."

"What are you saying, Henry? That Logan's, what? Like depressed?" George asks.

"Yeah, I think he might be... a little..."

"You're not a doctor, Henry," Bess reminds him.

"Yeah, Henry," George interjects. "We don't wanna go around diagnosing people."

"I know. I know," Henry says and means it. "But c'mon. You have to admit that that's not normal. And he just... at times he hasn't seen like himself. Ned, c'mon, you've must've seen it, too."

Ned looks down at the table and takes one hand to scratch at his head. He speaks slowly, taking each word into account. "I mean... there were times I..." Ned shakes his head. "Logan said himself that he's not happy here... how much that translates into actual depression, though, I don't know. We're not professionals and I don't think we should be having this conversation without him in the room."

Ned and Henry make eye contact. Henry nods a little to Ned. _We see each other._ And when he speaks it is to Bess and George. "I was just sayin' that I was worried--that I _am_ worried. None of this was like him and it was completely outta left field."

"My problem is, if it's true then I don't know what that means now that he's gone to Scotland. What that means for us," Ned says. "How can we help him? Should we have let him go? Do his parents even know why he decided to transfer, or are they just happy it's cheaper than Emerson?"

"I don't know either," Henry acquiesces. "I tried to talk to him about it when I found out but didn't get far. And today I just wanted to let him know that I was there for him--that _we_ are here for him--and that I expected him to not just, y'know, drop off the face of the earth. I didn't say much, I think. I wish I said more. But at least I said something, even if that's just me trying to make myself feel better. Less guilty or whatever."

"Guilty? C'mon. This was Logan's decision, one way or another," Bess says. "And what was he even gonna do? If we hadn't found out when we did? Just leave for Scotland and not tell us whatsoever? And then we'd find out from a third party, like a mutual friend or from his fucking Instagram? I don't think he even meant to actually tell me when he did. Or at least wanted to. I had to pry it outta him."

"Until last month, when we all found out about the Scotland thing, I would've said that that wouldn't happen. That that doesn't sound like him. I'm not so sure now," Ned says, propping his chin on his hand.

"Because he's running from something," Henry insists.

It's Bess who asks: "From what?"

"I think himself, as cheesy as that sounds."

"Okay, first of all, you're not even getting this from the horses mouth," Bess begins, staring Henry dead in the eyes. He's forgotten just how stubborn she can be, especially when she feels her friends have been slighted by another. "And even so, he decided to just up and leave and didn't even have the decency to let us know. Even if he felt like this what he did wasn't right. None of us here would've held him back but the _way_ he did it was so shitty. Why are you making excuses for him?"

"I'm not making excuses for him! I don't like what he did either. I'm just trying to understand why he might've done it! I'm just trying to understand where he was coming from. And I thought y'all were fine now! It's been a month and you even said y'all are friendly," Henry argues back. The frustration clear in his voice.

"We are!"

"You're clearly not," Henry argues pointedly. "At least on your end of it. Not if you're actin' like this."

Bess scoffs. "You don't even know the half of it, Henry. So don't assume."

"I never claimed to! But that's what you told me. I'm only goin' off on what I _do_ know! What's your problem?"

"What's my problem? Oh, I'll tell ya what my problem is," Bess replies. The sound of her drink slamming the table punctuating her frustration. "You. You are my problem."

"What?" The shock of Bess's exclamation blindsiding Henry and his frustration for a minute. Henry begins to feel the tendrils of hurt creeping up in his chest.

"Bess, that's enough--"

"Save it, George," Bess bites, looking at George before turning back to Henry. "You're always lettin' people walk all over you and treat you like shit. And then you turn around and kiss their ass! It's so goddamn frustrating. I don't know what to say to you at this point. When are you gonna stop being such a goddamn simp? When are you gonna look at someone, at a situation, and go "yeah they're just being an ass" and be done with it?"

"Well I can say you're being an ass right now!"

The regret hits Henry instantly. He wants to reach out and snatch each word before it reaches Bess but he can't.

"Alright then. Yeah, of course. Why not." Bess simply says, disbelief and resignation laced in her expression and voice.

It's impossible to ignore how hurt he is, from her words and his own. And when the full impact of his words hit Bess he watches her scrape her chair back and fight the tears in her eyes. He doesn't even really hear what she says. And when Bess walks out of his apartment, he doesn't register George running after her, or Ned putting his hand on his own shoulder.

Ned tells him it'll all blow over, just give Bess some time. Like Logan, there might be other things bothering her. But we don't know. He says some other platitudes but Henry cuts him off. He asks Ned what he thinks about what Bess said, if he believes those things about Henry, too. Ned reiterates; _Bess is just mad_ , _she'll come around_ and that _she just needs time_. But he doesn't deny it.

* * *

Henry and Summer are sitting in the dining hall eating lunch after their morning classes. Sometime after that night a few weeks ago at his apartment he called Summer up, asking if she'd like to go on a date. It's been almost two weeks and things between them have actually been good, better than it has in awhile. Truthfully, Henry's just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yet so far it hasn't. They've both been busy with the start of the semester, so that is probably why, though Henry has a sneaking suspicion it's because Summer knows what's gone down in the last month. She's been looking like the cat who got the cream ever since his friend group became fragmented.

Henry tries to put that bitterness out of his mind because, actually, Summer has been a perfectly good girlfriend in the last few weeks despite the reasons for why that may be. Normally that would make Henry's heart feel warm and his chest feel abuzz. But instead he just feels... nothing, really. Which doesn't make sense. They're not fighting. She's in a good mood. She's not angry with him. She's the Summer he remembers from last year and not the Summer of the last six months.

Right now she's filling in Henry on some of the fun things her and her family did over winter break. She's smiling and is so animated as she recounts how her and her mother finally got her dad to actually ski this year only for him to 'pizza-wedge it' the entire way down the bunny hill and still end up falling on his face in the end. She's laughing and eating as she talks about the look on her father's face when he got his head out of the snow.

Henry thought this would be hard but it's not (there's no heartache that will come afterwards that he hasn't already felt). He thought deciding would be a long, drawn-out process but the words come easily. Things are fine now but it'll only take one word for things to turn sour. He's sick of the cycle. He's sick of feeling stressed or upset when he's upset her and anxious in between fights. He's sick of waiting for the other shoe to drop when he's around her. It may be blindsiding her but Henry needs the clean break. He's done being a bystander in his own life.

"Summer."

She looks up from twirling spaghetti on her fork. "Yeah?"

"I think... look, I think we should break up."

Summer's mouth hangs open. She fumbles for words for a few moments. She's still holding her fork when she finally speaks. "What? What did you say."

"I'm sorry," Henry replies, plowing on. "But I don't think this is working. I don't think it has for awhile."

"What the-- what--where is this coming from? You don't mean that."

"I do, though," Henry says, gently but firmly. He's mindful to keep his voice down. "I don't think we bring out the best in each other. We're constantly in a cycle of fighting, making up, and it just repeats."

"No, no, no," Summer begins, shaking her head. She puts down her fork and looks down at the table. "You don't mean this. You're just being--no."

"I do, Summer."

She keeps shaking her head. "No, this is all because of those friends. That girl before break."

"You know I haven't seen any of them for awhile now, apart from seeing Logan off three weeks ago."

He expects her to fight with him further on it. He honestly does. But she doesn't.

"I love you, Henry," she says, her expression one of total disbelief. Henry always wondered if she ever really loved him. Maybe on some level but it doesn't matter. Not anymore.

_Take it back._

She's wearing a mustard turtleneck and the necklace he gave her back in August after she found out Nancy had checked in on him down in Louisiana. Her hair's in a messy bun and she's got a little bit of sauce in the corner of her mouth. She's gripping the key to his apartment in her hand so tightly Henry's subconscious worries that it's digging into her palm.

"I _love_ you, Henry."

_Say it back._

"I'm sorry," he says.

Summer stares at him for a few beats. It's when she scoffs, face pinched in anger, does he know that she must see it. She must see how tired he is, how serious he is about this, how he won't budge. He's just... done. She gets up and throws her jacket on. She's arguing with him, telling him he's making a huge mistake and she wasted so much time on him. She throws on her scarf and tosses her backpack on, not bothering to push in her chair. She tells him to never call her again. After she's done yelling she moves to leave before she stops, turns back around, and slams the key to his apartment on the table. She wants to throw it, that's obvious, but even that would be too much for her. In public at least.

After that she finally storms out of the dining hall. After she's out of his sight Henry simply begins to actually eat his lunch. His food's a bit cold but it's alright. He focuses on that instead of the stiff backs of the students sitting near him, clearly trying to make it seem like they didn't just witness a break up in the middle of the day in the dining hall. Henry tells himself to not look at the university Snapchat Story. He can only imagine what it would look like from literally any other perspective but his own.

When he finishes lunch he goes straight to the biology building. He gets a lot of preliminary work done on his research project. When a professor comes in, telling him she'll need the room for her class in a ten minutes, he realizes he's been in there for almost three hours. He checks on his cultures one last time before packing up and braving the cold to get back to his apartment. There he tosses his backpack to the side, not even bothering to get started on homework. He changes out of his jeans and lays down to take a nap. He sets an alarm and gets under the covers. He wants to call Bess and tell her what happened. He wants to tell her how breaking up with Summer hurt. He doesn't regret it and he knows it was the right call... he just wishes it didn't hurt. Henry wants to call Bess and tell her these things but he won't and he doesn't. He falls asleep wondering how Bess is doing, and if she misses him like he misses her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check on your friends, y'all.


	5. Chapter 4

"Hi, Henry. Why don't you come on in?"

Henry looks up from the magazine he was reading. He smiles and gets up from his seat, tossing the magazine back onto the coffee table. He follows his therapist into her office and closes the door.

"It's been awhile, hasn't it?" She says, grabbing her notebook. Henry hums.

"Yeah, 'bout a month. I think. I had finals and stuff."

"You've got through your junior year. How does it feel?"

"It feels... normal, I guess? My last final was last Tuesday," Henry replies. He's fiddling with his fingers as he searches for his words, something he didn't even know he did until he came to therapy. Or maybe it's because he's in therapy? Henry isn't so sure.

"That's understandable," his therapist nods. "There are a few things I want to get into but first: how are you?"

Henry shrugs. "I'm fine. Not doing too much."

"Really?"

"Yeah... well, I mean. My friend Nancy invited me and a few friends to go to her Aunt Eloise's house in New York City for like, a week or so this summer. It's apparently really nice."

"That sounds fun, Henry! When will you be going?"

"Oh, I dunno," Henry said, fiddling with the leather bracelet on his wrist. "I don't think I'll go."

"Why not?"

"I don't think there's room for me there."

"Mmhm, small house? That must be rough."

Henry blinks, sitting up straighter. "No, no. It's a big apartment and a guest bedroom an' all. It's just... I dunno. I mean, yeah it's nice of them to do all that and offer but like, c'mon. Y'know? It's not gonna work."

"Why wouldn't it work?"

"Because."

"Henry," she chides. She's already aware of what he is avoiding saying. "Let's check the facts."

Henry almost wants to groan out of habit. He did that a lot when he first started going to therapy. He hated the 'checking the facts.' He's come to appreciate it but he sure loathed it and let his therapist know. She got an earful each time. But she persisted and now he can't say he's mad about that. It's helped him a lot in social situations and saved him a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

His therapist holds out her pointer finger. "First, your friend invited _you,_ not the other way around. They clearly want you there. Two, they have enough room for you. You wouldn't be in the way at all in any way. Three, they are your friends, right?"

"Yeah... "

"So why would they invite you if they didn't want you there?"

"Because they feel bad for me?" Henry still believes that to some extent, but each time he's having a harder and harder time to sound convincing. Though that would imply his therapist has ever been convinced, which she hasn't. They work through his reservations about the trip a little more before putting it to rest with the promise that Henry will think about it. His therapist adjusts her glasses and looks at her notes.

"Last time we spoke you were about to go down to Louisiana after the school year ended. How was that?"

"Oh, yeah..." Henry says, eager to get that awful memory out and hear what his therapist has to say about it.

" _Well, well, well," Renée said as she picked up the phone. "Look who came to visit little ole me."_

_"Why?"_

_Renée's eyes narrowed. "Has going to school made you lose your manners?"_

_"I'm not here to chew the fat,"_ _Henry said again. "I'm here for answers. Now tell me: why did you do it?"_

_Renée adjusted the phone and sat back but did not speak. Henry feels his blood boiling in a way that it never has done before. But, he thinks, it's understandable given the_ _circumstances. It doesn't take much these days for him to get angry when he thinks about his past or the people in it, with Renée being one of them. He once told joked about it to his therapist, saying that it's probably because he stuffed everything down in the past._

_"Fucking tell me!"_

_"Why are you here, little Henry?"_

_"Like I said: to get some answers."_

_"Go home, Henry."_

_"Why the fuck did you do it, huh? It was a stupid crystal skull! It was junk. You killed him! And you killed him over absolutely fucking nothing!"_

_"Your uncle never looked at you twice but here you are,_ _rantin' and ravin' and defending his honor like he was some Southern Belle and you his beau,"_ _Renée_ _snapped. "You ain't care about him then so why now? Just 'cause he's dead?"_

_"He was all I had left! And you killed him!_ _I never got to know him! And you killed him! And for what, a stupid fucking skull?"_

_Renée_ _scoffed. "Oh,_ _please_ _. If he was still here you wouldn't be setting one toe on that property. You wouldn't even be crossing the Mason-Dixie line. And he wouldn't be calling you up at school neither._ _Don't kid yourself."_

_"I might've! You don't know that. But you took that chance away from me! You killed him before his time."_

_"If you're_ _looking_ _for answers you won't find any here. Your uncle shipped you off to kingdom come and you've come here crying over his death? He didn't care about you in_ _life, and neither you about him. So why do you care about him now?"_

_Renée huffs, staring straight into Henry's eyes. She's sitting but he's standing up now, leaning over the formica table and near the glass. She's so calm and flippant he can feel his anger boiling over._

_"Good, good!" Henry yells into the phone. He knows everyone's looking and he can sense rather than see the guards coming up to him. He'll be pulled out soon, as will_ _Renée, but he's got to say what he came here to say. He's panicking. He's so angry that he's panicking_ _against it_ _. He_ _feels like_ _he could go over and throttle her. She doesn't get to decide who lives and who dies. It doesn't matter if it was an accident, and he tells her so. She even tried to kill Nancy when she had discovered_ _the_ _truth about his uncle's death. He keeps screaming even as he feels the guards hands on his shoulders._

_"I hope you fucking rot! I hope that every God. Damn. Day. you sit in that molding cell of yours and think about how you fucking murdered my uncle. I hope that you feel tortured over the fact that he's gone. He was all the family I had left and you killed him! You deserve to die in that cell of yours. I don't have a family. I don't have a family! You took it all away. You killed him over nothing! You tried to kill my friend when she found out! You're just evil. You are fucked in the head. I hope you suffer. Because I've got nothing," he spits. And that's when the guards rip the phone out of his hands._

_He's crying so much as he's being pulled out of the visiting room that he doesn't know what_ _Renée's reaction was to all that. Probably nothing, if her demeanor beforehand was anything to go by. The guards throw him outside, holding him up as he tries to get_ _his_ _breathing under control. When he does the guard releases him and tells him to get the hell out of there. His visit is done._

He cries again when he finishes telling his therapist about it all. He cries because it's like reopening a wound and he cries because Renée was right, on some level. His therapist reminds him again that he's allowed to be upset, and he did care for his uncle on some level. And that yes, his relationship with his uncle was non-existent, that doesn't mean he's not allowed to feel cheated out of his family. Again, he doesn't know what might've happened. It's a very difficult and complex situation but he's allowed to angry and upset.

"I just," Henry begins, taking a deep breath. He's so sick of crying. "I want some fucking answers. I don't understand it. I don't understand why she did it, how she could live with herself? And it's not just that she forged a letter which caused him to have a heart attack and die from the emotional stress. She purposefully and willfully tried to kill my friend afterwards when she found out what had happened. I don't understand it. I don't get it, I really don't. And she couldn't even give me an answer! She wouldn't."

"Henry," his therapist says gently. She gives him another tissue. "Trying to figure out minds like that, trying to figure out why some people do the things they do, it'll only drive you crazy. It'll only hurt you. I know it's hard to accept that. It's hard to not look for a reason, especially someone like you, who relies so much on science and knowledge. But it's a dead-end, Henry."

"I guess... "

"Now, I wanna go into that a little more and there's some other things I wanna get to as well. But before I do, is there anything else you wanted to talk about? Just so I can make a note of it in case we don't get to it?"

_"Just... why do I hate you so much at times?" Henry had wailed as he sat in front of the large, garish resting place of_ _Uncle_ _Bruno. "Like, I fucking hated you for so long._ _You just straight up abandoned me and I never even knew you. I didn't have a relationship with you. What you did was wrong, even if in some way you really did care for me. And there's no excuse for it... So why does this all hurt so much? Why do I love you yet hate you? Even when I didn't ever really, truly know you."_

"Nope," the Henry of the present said. "Nothing else."

"Good!" His therapist smiled. "You let me know if you did, if it comes to you when we're talking. So... "

They talk a little bit more and then table it for another time so they can get to other topics. Henry's so worn out and can already tell he'll nap as soon as he gets back to the apartment. When the hour is up he says goodbye and schedules his appointment for next week. On the drive home he turns up the music and lets himself get lost in the sound. It's always on the drive _home_ that he realizes he should've mentioned _this_ or talking about _that_ during the session. He wishes they had more than an hour to talk per week. It's just not enough sometimes.

When he's at a red light he sees he has a text from Ned. He's asking if Henry is _sure_ that he doesn't want to go to the city with him and the others. After therapy is when Henry feels at his most confident so right then he makes a decision and doesn't let himself overthink it.

_Henry: yeah actually let's do it_

_I mean, if that's still ok with nancy and george_

_yeah I'd like to go_

_Ned: hell yeah man!_

_gonna be LIT! i'll tell nance rn. dw ofc it's fine_

_but ya know what's also lit?_

_not texting and driving 👏_

_Henry:_ _I'm literally just at a red light lol_

_but message received_ _🤪_

Henry quickly sends it just as the light turns green. He puts the phone away in the console and drives on. It's only when he's home does he see Ned's message.

_Ned: ooohhhh booo 👎 this town's only big enough for one dad joke friend_

_and that friend is Me_

_(ok but seriously don't text and drive)_

Henry just laughs and lets George know that he'll be going on the trip as well. His therapist is going to die of shock when he tells her about this. He feels spontaneous in a way that he doesn't deserve but basks in anyway.

* * *

In typical Nancy-fashion she organizes a trip but doesn't end up showing. She got the opportunity to assist some archaeological dig and couldn't pass it up. Henry watches as Ned encourages her to go. Henry always worried about Nancy caring more about her detective career than Ned. They'd gotten into a fight back in spring and it put Ned in a funk to end all funks. It also didn't help that Ned got a new roommate at the time, Burt, Logan's little brother in the fraternity. Since Logan left Burt became Ned's little brother. He already had one, a sophomore by the name of Buck. Henry had ribbed him for that. Ned had just groaned, lamenting the fact that Burt took Logan's bed in their room and that now, apparently, every phone call he has with Nancy occurs on the fire escape because Burt is either constantly third-wheeling the call or bringing in livestock (Henry still isn't convinced, but Ned seems stressed enough).

Ned convinces Nancy that she can't pass this up. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, he says. And he's not wrong. Nancy eventually decides to call up Dr. Boyle and accept the offer. Nancy gives them the run down on the entire apartment and numbers to call if they need help. Henry doesn't recognize any of the names but apparently George does.

"Really? Mattie Jensen?" George says in disbelief.

Nancy throws her arms up as she shrugs. She's kneeling on the floor putting the rest of her clothes in her suitcase. "What? She's lived here longer than Aunt Eloise. If anything is weird with the house or if you guys have question she'd know best."

George rolls her eyes. Henry leans towards Ned and asks "Who's Mattie Jensen?"

George groans. "Literally the most annoying soap opera star ever."

"Soap opera star?" Henry looks around at the three of them and none of them seem particularly surprised or weirded out like he is. Nancy gives the paper to Ned while she finishes packing.

"What? You don't believe me?" Nancy says to him.

"Honestly, on one level I want to say no but your life is so weird so I'll have to say yes," Henry responds while Nancy just laughs, still struggling with the suitcase.

"No, Henry, really," George interjects. "I wish it wasn't real."

"She's not that bad," Nancy chides as she attempts to get her suitcase to close. "She's really nice. You just hate her by proxy. Bess watched that soap nearly every day back in high school and you couldn't stand it."

"Yeah, true. But I still stand by my irrational dislike for a woman I never met. What else am I supposed to do? Grow up? Not likely."

"You're spending too much time with Bess," Nancy laughs.

George just rolls her eyes at that, but her smile belies her true feelings. Henry feels his chest pull tight when he hears Bess's name. He hasn't talked to her since they argued in January. Henry discretely looks at the others, thinking they're staring at him with the mention of Bess. Ned and Nancy are too busy trying to get her suitcase closed and George is now reading over the list and putting the numbers in her phone. They didn't even take a second glance at him when they mentioned Bess. And he wants them to mention her. He misses her of course, but she was their friend first. They shouldn't feel like they have to avoid mentioning her with Henry in the room. They're not in middle school, after all. He's glad they don't feel that way. It's during these moments that Henry realizes he's come a long way since he started therapy back in February. He's not so anxious anymore. And even when he is it's not as debilitating. He feels more confident in himself, but he also has the tools to keep his anxiety at bay.

Eventually with some help from Ned the suitcase closes. Nancy's plane takes off in over 5 hours but she has to go all the way to Newark and Ned wants to spend some time with her before they go. George and Henry wish her good luck as she leaves and she gives them all hugs goodbye. George tells Henry she's going to finish unpacking and that when they're done they can get something to eat. Henry agrees and goes to his own room to unpack. He can hear George closing drawers and humming in the room over.

He thought it'd be awkward with her but it's not. After the argument with Bess in his kitchen she had texted him asking him how he was. To say that Henry was shocked was an understatement; he thought she'd hate him. She had read him the riot act at Omega Chi and then less than a month later he gets in a fight with Bess. Hell, even he didn't forgive himself for that so he didn't expect George to. But she put that to rest swiftly. She was mad, yes, and she would ream him for it (which she did) but Bess was out of line as well. And, George said, Henry was her friend as well, not just Bess's.

Then, a few weeks later, he texted her saying he broke up with Summer. He asked her not to tell anyone. They didn't talk too much about it but he felt better just telling someone. It was then he decided to go and find a therapist. He first tried an office uptown. And after the first session with the therapist from that practice went less than stellar, he nearly gave up. But after a week of licking his wounds and researching for hours he found another place a bit closer to his apartment, but still uptown and still far enough that he needs to drive. He remembers grumbling to himself as he walked in, grateful that at least here he gets his parking validated. And thankfully, he liked his therapist and has stayed ever since.

Before he knows it George knocks on the door jamb. Henry's puts his suitcase away in the closet and stands up.

"You done?" She asks.

"Yup, just finished. Where you wanna go?"

"Mhm, not sure," George says as she walks down the stairs, Henry in tow. "Wanna just walk around and figure it out as we go along?"

"Sounds good to me. It's late enough that we could easily grab a late lunch."

They find a decent enough sushi bar and eat until they can barely move. It's still early, only mid-afternoon, so George suggests they go for a walk. She tells Henry about this boxing studio she's always wanted to go to. She's telling him how she knows about it, and why she might have an in with the owners, and Henry just about wants to walk straight into traffic.

"You can't seriously tell me it's yet another Nancy Drew, Amateur Detective connection again?"

George grins. "No. It's a Kate Drew, Amateur Detective connection!"

Henry looks at her deadpan. "Come again?"

"When Nancy's mom was young, about our age, she was into detective work too. She eventually gave it up to be a journalist but basically what Nancy is now, that's what her mom was. There was this whole plot about stealing a painting or something of Queen Elizabeth and this amateur boxer guy was involved in it. He wasn't really involved, y'know? Just wrong place, wrong time. Anyway Nancy's mom solved the case with the help of this amateur boxer and his friend (also a boxer). She stayed good friends with them up until she died."

"You said boxer way too many times for that to be a word anymore. It doesn't sound right to me now."

George rolled her eyes and punched Henry in the shoulder. "Back to my story, doofus. Anyway, they're really good. They didn't do too well for themselves. I mean, for their league and stuff, yeah they did fine. But obviously they're not a big name, y'know? They're no Muhammad Ali or John L. Sullivan but they did well enough. They ended up retiring and opening a gym together. If you're into boxing and I mean really into it, then you know these guys. I know we're only here for a week or so but if I have a chance to train with them I wanna take it."

"Gotcha. So what's this place called? What're their names?"

"The gym's called 'The Lady', and the owners are Rocky and Gilmore."

Henry stopped in his tracks. "Oh now you're just messin' with me. A boxer? Named Rocky?"

"I'm not!" George said, laughing. She suddenly stopped at a painted black door. "Hey, we're here!"

George grabbed Henry's wrist and pulled him in. To Henry, it looked like any other gym. Some guys were training in the ring, others were using the speed bag, and some were doing general training like jumping rope. But to George, when he looked at her, she looked like she found heaven. Then an older man approached him. He had a few grey hairs and walked with a slight limp.

"Somethin' I can do for you two?"

"Hi, my name's George Fayne. I know this is an odd request, but I'm staying in New York for about a week and was hoping I could come to the gym and receive some training."

The man raised an eyebrow and looked George up and down. "Have you ever boxed, little lady?"

"I have," George bristled. "I've trained for six years at Ernie de Master's in River Heights. I'm very serious about boxing. I first began taking self-defense classes before transitioning to boxing. I would be love to have a chance to be trained in this gym, if just for a week. And Rocky and Gilmore came personally recommended."

Henry looked at George and back to the old man. He looked around and saw some old banners. There were two faces on them. The face in one of them was much younger, but it was no doubt that the old man in front of them was Rocky.

"Personally recommended by whom?"

"By a family friend. My friend's mother, Kate Drew, knew you, Mr. McQue, and Mr. Lee, sir."

"Mr. Lee?" Another voice chimed in as he walked up behind Rocky. He was bald and had a wrist cast on one arm. "Please, that makes me feel old. Just call me Gilmore."

George smiled widely. "Thank you, Gilmore," she said.

"And I'm Rocky, just Rocky. No need for all those formalities, unless ya piss us off," Rocky said.

"Now did I hear you say the name Kate Drew?" Gilmore asked.

George nodded. Gilmore's eyes widened. "Oh, wow. I haven't heard that name in ages! Is her daughter around?"

"Unfortunately, no. Nancy's in Egypt at an archaeological dig."

"Ah, that's a shame. We only met her when she was a tiny little thing. Think the last time we saw her was when she was about, oh, eight? It was a little before her mom passed. We loved Kate. She was a good friend," Rocky said, his smile nostalgic. "What'd you say your name was again?"

"George. George Fayne."

"Okay, George," Rocky said. He pointed to a guy near the office entrance. "Go over there and tell him your name and the phone number of your old gym. Y'know, the works. They'll get you started paperwork wise."

"And what about you?" Gilmore said, pointing to Henry.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you," George said. "You're signing up, aren'tcha?

"What? Why would I? I've never done boxing!"

"You went to military school!"

"I don't think you understand what military school is!" Henry said frantically. "It's not like that!"

"But what it does teach you is discipline," Gilmore interjected.

"Yeah," Rocky joined in. "And that's all y'need, especially for boxing. And dedication."

Henry looked between the three of them. George looked like she was the cat that got the cream and Gilmore and Rocky both looked like the decision was already made. Henry sighed. It couldn't be the worst thing. And it was only for a week. He nodded and let George drag him over to registration. As they're filling out the papers Rocky and Gilmore sidle up to them. Henry feels awkward. They clearly want to be as close to Mrs. Drew as they can, even if it's through her daughter's friends. But Henry doesn't know what to say, so he looks around the gym and asks them a question, which apparently turns out to be the right one.

"So why 'The Lady'?"

"Don't look at me. He's the one who came up with the name," Gilmore said, exasperated as he pointed to Rocky. "He's got a sick sense of humor."

At the look his partner was giving him, Rocky moved to defend himself. "What? C'mon, it's how we met Kate! And it's the case that made us. I didn't die and I came out stronger 'cause of it."

Gilmore rolled his eyes. "And I came outta it with ten new gray hairs."

"You were bald then, Gilmore, and you're bald now."

"Hey!" Gilmore laughed, giving Rocky a gentle shove on the shoulder. "It's a choice!"

"Back then, but not now," joked Rocky.

Henry and George finished up their paperwork and stayed to talk to Rocky and Gilmore for a little longer. They took their leave when the two were summoned by a few of their students. Henry and George said their goodbyes and made their way back to Aunt Eloise's house.

For the next week Henry and George got up and went to The Lady bright and early to train. It was hard and Henry felt so sore by the third day that he didn't want to do anything else. They'd arrive back at Aunt Eloise's around 10 a.m., shower, and then spend the rest of the day with Ned traversing the city. Sometimes Ned would wake up with them to watch them train. Depending on his mood that day he'd either be an embarrassing cheerleader or heckle the two of them. They'd end every night by watching an episode of 'Light of our Love' while gorging themselves with microwavable popcorn. It seemed fitting.

On their last day of training, the day before they had to leave, Ned came to watch and run some laps to begin to try and get ready for pre-season. All three of them were getting water at the same time when Ned shook George's shoulder, causing her to spill water on her shirt.

"What the hell, Ned?" She said. Ned simply grinned cheekily and pointed towards the doors.

Henry didn't understand what the fuss was all about; a girl with dark hair came in and was talking with one of the owners. Ned was grinning and George was trying to be discreet about fixing her now soaked gym shirt. Despite it being damp she used it to wipe the sweat off her face. Her cheeks were red, but that was to be expected. They'd just finished a work out... unless...

"Oh," Henry said. " _Oh._ "

"Yeah," Ned so helpfully supplied. George elbowed him in the ribs. George's face still aflame. She kept looking at Henry and looking away, just as she had with Maya. She was nervous, clearly, but not like she had been when she was looking at Maya. This was bad nervous. She was gauging his reaction. The night she was on his doorstep, avoiding his questions and curling in on herself came to mind.

"She's really cute," Henry said with a smile. And he wasn't lying, Maya really was. "Does she live around here?"

George's shoulders fell back down and her face was filled with relief. She looked at Ned with narrowed eyes, though. Ned elbowed her, grinning, as if saying _See? I told you it would all be fine._

"She's totally George's girlfriend," Ned said.

"Ned! No!" George said, using her water bottle to hit Ned in the stomach, having him keel over. She turned to Henry. "She's just a friend! From high school. She goes to NYU now but her family lives in St. Louis. She called me up and asking about self-defenses classes a year ago and... God I didn't think she'd actually be _here,_ though. It's the end of May!"

Henry shrugged. "I dunno, but you should go say--"

"I can't just say hi! That'd be so weird!" George insisted. "Like, she wouldn't wanna talk to--"

"George!"

Henry, Ned, and George all turned around. Maya was smiling and waving at George, gesturing for her to come over. George took another swig of her water bottle before putting it down. Henry told her she'd be fine. George mutely shook her head but made her way over to Maya anyway.

"Ah, young love," a voice from behind said. Ned and Henry turned to find Gilmore standing behind them.

"Well, young, unrequited love," Ned corrected. "It's only on George's side. So much as we know."

"Ah," Gilmore said, his smile turning mischievous. "And what about you two? Hmm? It's only fair for me to grill you like you just grilled George. Don't think I didn't hear you ragging on her. I may be old but I don't need hearing aides just yet."

"I'm a taken man. But this one here," Ned pointed to Henry. "He's got some love troubles."

"What, no I don't--"

"Well, c'mon then lover boy," Gilmore said. "Tell us."

"It's really nothing--" Henry started, trying to change the subject but of course Ned wasn't having it. It's like since Logan left Ned took up the mantle of ribbing him about anything. All in good fun, though.

"First there was a girl he thought was the one, but wasn't because she was nuts. And then there was the girl who was just a friend but he's come to love, but then they got in an argument and haven't talked to each other in a hot minute. A whole rollercoaster, if you ask me," Ned concluded.

Henry grit his teeth. "No one asked."

"I'm pretty sure _I_ asked," Gilmore said. He turned to Ned. "Now you go on and jump some rope. Lemme talk to Henry for a bit."

"Yessir," Ned saluted, leaving before Henry could slap him on the shoulder. Oh, Ned was so not getting any popcorn tonight. And Henry was never getting as drunk as he did during spring break with Ned ever again. He broke the cardinal rule! What happens--or is _said--_ on the fire escape, _stays_ on the fire escape!

"And what're ya gonna do about it?" Gilmore asked as Ned trotted away and grabbed a jump rope from the wall.

Henry looked around the gym, avoiding Gilmore's eye. He shrugged.

"Life is like boxing. You can't just roll over or block. You gotta get up and fight. And believe me, I'm old. I've been around the block a few times, son. I know it's scary to go after what you want. But I know it's scarier to not at least try," Gilmore said. He looked over to where Rocky was, demonstrating to George how to deliver an overhand right that will lay another out, despite her slimmer and shorter build. "It was hard enough... " Gilmore stopped, shaking his head. "I would've given anything to be in your place."

He didn't have to say it for Henry to understand. He suddenly looked down, fiddling with the lid of his water bottle and feeling very much humbled. Not chastised, but enough to recognize the position Gilmore was in versus the one he is in now and lend some perspective.

"I'm sayin' this to encourage you, not discourage you," Gilmore stresses.

"I know. But it's hard."

"Now I didn't say it would be easy," Gilmore said. Henry nodded. Maybe it was because it came from a complete stranger, or maybe just because it came from Gilmore, but he felt emboldened. For the moment, he felt like he _could_ try. He only hopes he can have the chance. He looks up and looks over at Rocky, and then back to Gilmore.

"How long have you two been together?"

"Well now we opened the gym back in '91, so that's about 27 years. We've been together going on 40 years now. We like to think of ourselves being married for 35 of those years. But legally, it's only been six. Or it'll be six next month," Gilmore said, smiling. Henry smiled back.

"We'll have gone back to Massachusetts by then so if I may, I'd like to say happy 40th, 35th, 27th, and 6th anniversary," Henry said, southern manners coming out.

"You may, kid. You may," he laughed. "So tell me. What're you gonna do about this girl Ned was harping about?"

"I dunno. Apologize, maybe tell her how I feel. I've got a bunch of things to make right before I do that, though."

"Then make things right," Gilmore said, slapping Henry's back. "But don't think you've got forever. I learned that the hard way once. Now, get back to training. I've gotta go check on a few things. We'll finish on the heavy bag today."

And with that Gilmore walked across the gym towards his office. One of the other trainers called Henry over, his water break over. Henry let Gilmore's words stay in his mind as he began practicing his combinations on the speed bag. He was going to make things right. He would.

It's nighttime and Henry, George, and Ned are all back at Aunt Eloise's and are packed up to leave tomorrow. Ned and Henry are on the couch while George is in the kitchen heating up their nighttime snack. Ned's currently flopped over on the arm rest, struggling to stay awake.

"Can't believe I gotta go back and live in the frat for another two months. It's gonna be a blessing when I can sign the lease and move in with you," Ned yawns. He stayed up to catch Nancy's call and woke up early to go to the gym and is now paying for both of those decisions. "I can't wait to just finally have some peace and quiet."

Henry laughed. "Burt isn't that bad."

Ned opens one eye from where he is on the couch to glare at Henry. "He really is. Honestly thank god Nancy doesn't go to Emerson because if she did, Burt would probably end up in Swan Lake. I'd just lose it if he was third-wheeling our _actual_ dates. He does it enough when I'm on the phone with her."

"I like how that bothers you more than the chicken he keeps in the room," George remarks as she walks in with the popcorn. Ned moves aside so she can sit in between them both.

"The chicken's better behaved," Ned grumbles.

"The chicken's also better behaved than you, too _,_ " George stresses. She shakes her head "I cannot believe the way you acted like a fool today with Maya there. She could've heard you, ya know? You can be damn loud when you want to."

Ned began to defend himself by calling himself a modern day cupid when a light goes off in Henry's head.

"Oh wait, that reminds me," Henry said. He doesn't finish his sentence. Instead he reaches over George and snatches the bowl of popcorn away from Ned just as he's about to grab a handful. Ned squawks in indignation but both Henry and George just ignore him. Henry turns on the movie and they spend the rest of the night watching 'Light of Our Love' and making fun of it, while Ned groans about _cruel and unusual punishment_ all night.

* * *

August rolls in and it's so hot and heavy that Henry is 85% sure Ned is a masochist. Henry told him he could've moved in at the beginning of July. The landlord never comes to the house. Henry only sees his landlord behind the liquor counter at his store when he drops off the rent. But Ned wanted to play it safe. He moved all his things in during the first week of August. Now that he's all moved in and has settled in, Ned suggests they throw a party. Nothing _too_ crazy, but something to simultaneously christen the house and kick off the start of their senior year.

They timed the party so that all their friends would finally be back at Emerson. They didn't want to leave anyone out so unlike most parties, it's planned a little over a week in advance. Henry thinks Ned might know why he also wanted the party to be planned; that Henry wanted to be able to call Bess and give her enough time to decide if she wanted to come or not. Like a weird, overly considerate way to be polite.

After trying and failing to actually call her for an hour, Henry finally just dials before he can think about it too much. He ends up getting Bess's voicemail and hangs up in a flight-or-fight instinct. It takes him another two tries before he actually lets the call go through and leaves a voicemail. He says he hopes she's doing well and that he misses her and would like to talk to her. He says that he and Ned are having a party at his apartment and that he'd like it if she came but if not it's totally fine! No pressure. He says he hopes she's had a good summer and says goodbye.

The whole ordeal was so nerve wracking that Henry puts it out of his mind until he gets a text message three days later. Bess says she'll come and she wants to see him too. The excitement drowns out his nerves and before he knows it Saturday comes and his house is packed with people. He loops around the apartment a few times. The longer he goes without seeing Bess the more the knot in his chest grows. He walks into the living room for what has to be the fourth time when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns and there's Bess, standing off to the side watching the impromptu flip-cup tournament that's happening in the middle of the room.

"Hey, you made it," Henry says, keeping his smile restrained.

"Hey. Yeah, I did," Bess replies, smiling back. She takes a small sip from her water bottle and briefly meets his eyes, before moving them away. They haven't properly spoken in a few months but Henry still can't help but feel hurt.

"I'm glad. You, um, having fun?"

Bess hums. "As much as I can be. George had one of her boxing matches the other night and won. So not only have I heard about it ten times already but tonight's also kinda her celebration for so..." Bess holds up her water bottle and shakes it. "I'm D.D. for tonight."

Henry's smile widens. "Oh, yeah same. I feel ya there. I mean, I don't have to drive anybody home tonight, so I'm not D.D. But I do feel like I need to keep an eye on a few guests tonight," he says pointing towards Ned, Burt, and Buck. Ned will be fine but it's the other two he has concerns about. "So only a beer or two for me."

"As if you suddenly acquired the tolerance of a rhino in the last few months," Bess quipped. "Only 'a beer or two' _pshh._ That's what you normally drink."

Henry smiled, almost in disbelief. Things were still a bit awkward but Bess still teased him, as reflexive as it might have been. _Maybe there's hope._

"True, true. I'll never be Logan's protegé. That's Burt's burden."

Bess blinked, stealing a glance at Henry. She shifted her feet. "I actually heard from him a little bit ago."

"You did?" Henry gripped his cup tighter.

"Yeah. He, um... he apologized."

The breath Henry was holding is let out. Relief floods his system. He's heard from Logan a few times, even just the other week. He knows he's doing alright. Henry is selfishly glad that all Logan did is apologize. He suddenly feels like he's running out of time, like he's about to miss his chance. Gilmore had warned him about that, as well as George, in a way. Logan is his friend and he cares for him, but for the first time, when it comes to Bess Henry wants to be a little selfish.

"Yeah, you were right. About him not being happy. He said he wasn't ready to get into everything but that he at least wanted to apologize. He was in a really dark place and the whole Scotland thing was him running away from it all, in a sense. He wanted to completely start over. But he said he's getting better and that at first Scotland was too much, that he had made a big mistake. But now he's come to love it. There was a lot more but honestly it's not my place to share."

"Oh, wow. I'm glad to hear all that..." Henry said, nursing his beer. Logan hadn't mentioned any of that, except for some throwaway comment about how at first Scotland was ' _shite' at first but now it's great, ten-out-of-ten would transfer here again_ in his typical sarcastic bravado.

Bess gave him a small smile. She tilted her head, knowingly. "He'll tell you in his own time. Ned, too, of course."

"Yeah, we know. He will," Henry said, nodding. He didn't doubt it. Logan always did right by others, in the end. Henry can wait a bit more.

"He said seeing a therapist really helped. That at first he hated the idea--that he couldn't get past the whole idea of it and that he 'didn't even really need it' but eventually came to really appreciate it. He still feels really self-conscious about it, though, I think," Bess said. She raised her water bottle up to take a sip before her hand stopped mid-motion. Her eyes went wide and she quickly turned to Henry.

"Ohmygod ohmygod I don't know if I was allowed to tell you that. Ohmygod please don't tell him I told you that. Henry, you gotta swear! It didn't come from me! I--"

"Bess, Bess, it's okay. I won't say a word. I mean, what friends do I have that I'm gonna tell?"

Bess narrowed her eyes, accusingly. "George, Ned, Nancy, Burt, Buck, me."

"Okay well first of all Burt and Buck may have been Logan and Ned's "little brothers" but I've literally just met them a few months ago. They're not even a factor in this. And _you_ already know what you just said so that just leaves Ned and George. And that's kinda sad. Only two?" Henry said laughing. He steadfastly was ignoring the fact that Bess still considers them friends. _Don't bring it up. Don't make it weird and mess it up._

Bess sputtered. "W-Well, you forgot Nancy!"

"Look, Nancy's great but literally where is she, ever?"

Bess nearly spit out her water. She cackled. "True, true. Doesn't really apply, does it?"

"No it does not," Henry agreed. He watched as George and Burt went head to head in flip cup multiple times. They both kept getting the ping pong in on the first try and kept sending the cup back to the players behind each other, trying to get each other out, but they were too evenly matched. They both just kept getting the cups and sending it back only to get it again. Henry looked at Bess and tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention.

"Y'know, if it'll make him feel better, you can tell Logan that he's not the only one. Going to therapy that is."

"Oh? Ohh," Bess's eyes went wide. She cleared her throat in an attempt at being nonchalant. "You are?"

"Yeah," Henry shrugged. He didn't want to announce it to the whole world but he was comfortable with it. No one _had_ to know, but he wanted to tell Bess.

"Oh, well then. Yeah, I think it will make him feel a bit more confident about it. Thanks for telling me."

Henry shrugged, feeling a bit pink. A few people came over to say hello to the pair of them. George came over to give Henry a hug before running off into the next room, for some reason or another. And in the process she spilled Henry's drink on the floor. Henry picked it up and maneuvered his way out of the little huddle he and Bess had found themselves in. He tossed the cup and got a new can of beer, not even bothering to pour it in a cup of its own. When he walked back over to Bess he found her standing alone, the huddle dispersed.

"What? Not even a paper towel to mop it up?" She said, nodding towards Henry himself and then gesturing to the spilled beer at her feet.

"Nah, I'll make Ned clean it up. He's the one who's hosting, technically."

"And that was your beer that spilled, technically."

"That was George," Henry grinned. "Technically."

Bess laughed in disbelief. "Ya know you're pretty lazy? I never really thought about it but you kind of are. Like, really lazy."

"Oh, lord, you don't even know," Henry replied good-naturedly. "I take the easy way out like, 7 out of 10 times. Maybe 8."

Bess laughed and Henry joined her. It was honestly true. When things got tough he wouldn't actually deal with them. He'd just throw out the easiest solution and be done with it. His therapist even said so. But when he looked over at Bess yelling at George to take it easy on Burt in the next round of flip cup, deliberately provoking the situation with a mischievous grin on her face, he knew he wasn't going to take the easy way out. Not this time. He was going to work to get their friendship back to what it had been. Henry was too busy staring at Bess's profile that he didn't realize she was talking until she turned to face him.

"Y'know, I hadn't wanted to think that he--that Logan--could've been hurting and I just... didn't see it. Or maybe did but didn't want to? I dunno," she said without prompting.

Henry blinked. "Oh. Yeah, I get that. But Bess, c'mon. It's you. You are like the definition of a good person. You don't have it in you to see someone hurting and just not do something."

"I'm not that good of a person, Henry," Bess said, eyes focused on the flip cup tournament in front of her.

"You are, though," he replied easily. When Bess turned to say something he cut her off before she could get out a word. "And this isn't me putting you on a pedestal. You can be fickle as hell and you _always_ got something to say."

"Well you're not Mr. Perfect either!" Bess said in mock anger. Henry laughed and eventually Bess dissolved into giggles, too.

"What I meant to say was, that was partly why I got so upset back then. And also that I'm really glad you're talking to someone," she said once the laughter faded away.

"I'm glad, too. Thanks, Bess. That means a lot, really."

Bess nodded and took a sip from her water bottle.

"It's gonna be a nightmare getting her home," Bess groaned, gesturing with her water bottle towards George. "She doesn't let loose usually but when she does? God help me."

"Well, if it makes y'feel any better I've still got dumb and dumber over there. Last time they got drunk they tried to make an indoor swimming pool outta the frat basement. Which surprisingly was Ned's idea at the time. They're still on probation for that, ya know. All you have is George."

Bess's eyes bugged out and she leaned in. "Yeah but she drinks like a _monster_. Look at her! She told me the minute we walked in that she's gonna try and beat Logan's shotgunning record. She's easily worth Burt and Buck's weight when it comes to being Mom Friend for the night."

Bess suddenly looked down. She toyed with the cap on the bottle. "Y'know, with Logan..."

"It's really okay, Bess. You don't have to tell me," Henry said. _Please don't. I don't think I can take it._

"No, it's nothing bad, really. I just... it's about everything that happened and I would really like to tell you."

"To tell me or for you to get it off your chest?"

"Both," Bess said, eyes locked with Henry's and unwavering. Henry sighed, nodding. He gestured for her to continue.

"When we broke up... yes the final straw was Scotland but to be honest, the last few months weren't the best. I mean, we were fine? We were just... fine. We, like, weren't actually a couple. I could go for a whole week or two without talking to him and not even realize it--and I did. And on my part, it's because I already had lost whatever feelings I had for him. But for him... that was him withdrawing. Him isolating himself... I still feel guilty about that. And I know you're not supposed to break up with someone just 'cause things are boring but that's not what it was like. We realized our relationship had run its course. We realized we were better friends than a couple, acted more like it, too. And he wasn't in a good mindset to be in a relationship."

"It's okay," Henry said softly, trying to placate her. "You don't have to explain anything to me."

A blush rose on Bess's cheeks. She looked away, taking another sip of her drink and nodded. "I wanted to, though. Plus, there was..." She shook her head, as if to rid the thought itself.

Henry looked at Bess, lowering his cup from his mouth. "Plus what?"

"Like I said, we were focused on other things and weren't really a couple anymore. Sometimes relationships just run their course and like I said, ours had. Him not even tellin' me about Scotland was proof enough. I didn't want to be in a relationship that felt more like an obligation than a desire, so I broke up with him. He wanted to anyway. He was dealing with a lot and couldn't handle being in a relationship on top of it. That's true...

But I'd be lying if I said that was the only reason."

"What was the other reason?"

Bess gripped her water bottle a little tighter, the blush still present, and shook her head. Henry nodded, letting her know she didn't have to tell him anything. It was stupid but he could feel his heart beat a little faster. _There was no reason to get excited, to get ahead of himself,_ he told himself.

Both continued to stand by the wall, sipping their drinks in silence as the party continued on before them. Burt and Buck found the Mad Dog that had been hidden in the fridge since the last party and Henry could only wince at the hangovers they'd experience in the morning. He looked over to Bess who was still gripping her water bottle so hard he could hear the crinkling of the plastic over the din of the party.

Henry knows Bess is timid but he doesn't ever want her to be timid around him.

"I'm sorry we fought."

Bess turns her head slightly and just looks at him out of the corner of her eye.

"What?"

"The day Logan left. I said some horrible things and then you left and I didn't even try to... I just let you go. Like that."

Bess looked at Henry. She turned her gaze around the room, and looked at him again. She ducked her head and mumbled, "Let's go outside."

Blinking, Henry followed Bess out the front room and down the hall near the stairs. He put his can, still half full, on the end of the banister in the hallway. They went outside and closed the door, mindful to not let it lock. Bess took a seat on the stoop, Henry following suit. He settled down next to her, suddenly wishing he had his can still in his hands. Just to have something to hold.

"I was angry, yeah, but I also was a coward. I didn't think you wanted me to apologize," Henry continued. He chuckled self-deprecatingly "It was the easy way out, again. I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize but it was easier not to. And I have regretted that as much as I regretted what I said then."

Bess directed her gaze towards her lap. She pulled at a loose thread on her shorts. After another moment of silence she stopped fiddling with the thread and looked up and forward, drawing her shoulders back.

"It's not like I was moving away to Timbuktu. I was just goin' back home before I left for school myself. Not like it really mattered, ya know?"

Henry stared at Bess's profile. His face pained. "It mattered to me."

The hard-set lines of Bess's face softened as she turned to look at Henry.

"I was angry, too," she admitted softly. "I was angry at Logan for leaving because it made me feel like I hadn't mattered at all to him, regardless of the nature of our relationship. I was angry at you for being on his side, for always being on the side of those who hurt you. And I was angry at myself."

"It's okay, really," Henry placated. "Back then... I wish I hadn't yelled at you. I wish I hadn't left things the way they did. And I hope that we can be friends again, if not now then in the future. Because regardless, you are my friend and always will be. No matter what."

"Henry," Bess said softly, tilting her head. "We never stopped being friends. We argued, it happens. And we're talking about it now. Yeah, it's awhile later but we're talking now. That's what matters."

"I guess."

"Well, I think so," Bess chuckled softly. She dropped the small smile, her face and voice turning serious. "I'm sorry for what I said then. I went too far."

Henry shook his head. "I needed to hear it. You were right and it hurt, my pride or my feelings I'm not sure. Probably both. You weren't wrong. I just overreacted."

"I think I did a bit, too. I was just angry and frustrated. It's not exactly easy to watch a friend be in a relationship that's...like... well..." Bess said, struggling to find a way to phrase Henry's and Summer's relationship. Her eyes flitted over to look at Henry before looking away. The last thing they needed was to get into another argument when they were finally talking.

"It's okay you can say it. It was toxic. I see that now," Henry says, quietly but assuredly.

"Was?"

"Don't act like you didn't already know," Henry teased.

Bess laughed. "Yeah, you're right. I knew. Deduced it from your Instagram posts and Snap Stories."

"You, George, and I should become detectives together. Pull a Scooby Doo stunt."

"Oh god, wouldn't that be a mess."

"What? Don't you think we could give Nancy a run for her money?"

Bess laughed, throwing her head back. "Absolutely not."

Henry laughed with her. Their laughter dissolved and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Bess looked down, using her nail to scratch at the cement stairs.

"Not to bring the mood back down," she began. "But I'm still sorry. It's just-- it's not easy seeing your friend be in a toxic relationship. So when we were arguing it all just came out. All those months of seeing you be treated the way you were and me not being able to do anything. But still... I shouldn't've said what I did. And I shouldn't've just ignored you like that afterwards. Even after I found out you broke up with Summer."

"No, you had had enough and I don't blame you. It's also not up to you to solve my problems, that's on me. You've gotta put yourself first. Before me, before anyone."

"Yeah, I know," Bess said, nodding.

Henry looked down at the space between them. After a moment he looks up and off to the side.

"I don't like how I handled things back then but in a way I'm glad. It sucked but I'm glad I was alone the last few months. You once said you had a lot of things you wanted to tell me. Well, I had a lot of things I wanted to tell you, too. Still do. But I wasn't in the right place to do so. That wouldn't've been fair, not to me and especially not to you. I wanted to be sure."

"Sure of what?"

Henry takes a deep breath, still not looking at Bess. "I wanted to be sure of how I felt. I didn't want you to think that I was just lonely, or looking for some rebound after Summer, or because I was still inexperienced; that I only felt this way because you were my first close friend. Because that's not true. What I felt for Summer was _nothing_ like I felt for you. Nothing like I _still_ feel for you."

"You see," Henry continued. "Until, like, last year, I never really had _friends_ friends. I mean, sure I had people I was friendly _with_ and at the time called them my friends, but we weren't _close_. And my only family shipped me off whenever he could. So when I started dating Summer, and when you and Logan and Ned became my friends, I finally felt like I had the love and companionship I had always wanted. I couldn't bear to give it up, ya know? I couldn't bear to lose any of you. I didn't think I could be alone again. I was too afraid and insecure to break up with Summer, but at the same time it affected my relationship with you. It was like a balancing act and before you start goin' off about self-love and not living for others, believe me. I get it. But that's where I was coming from. I didn't think I could live all on my own again."

Henry paused, breathing in and out. He chanced a look at Bess. She was already looking at him, eyes wide, but remained silent. He gave her a small smile before turning his gaze to the street in front of him.

"I didn't think I could be alone again. But I could. And things are actually pretty good, ya know? So far this whole year I've actually been living for me in a way I don't think I had before--even _before_ I met Summer. Even before I came to Emerson. I just... feel like I'm finally happy. I'm... content, ya know? I _can_ get through life alone. But I don't _want_ to. I want you to be by my side. And I want to be by yours. I have no idea when it happened. I really don't. But it did."

Henry continued not letting Bess even react to his mini-speech. If he didn't get this out now all in one go then he never would.

"Even though I finally realized and understood my feelings towards you, I wasn't ready to tell you. Not just 'cause I was scared and terrified of being rejected or losing you as a friend--because at the end of the day so long as you're in my life I'll be happy. I wasn't in a good place. I was all over the place emotionally and it affected how I was with Summer. Regardless of her own hangups, I still had issues, too. Even if you felt the same way, the last thing I wanted was to hurt you."

"If I was going to tell you I wanted to be the best me I could be. I wasn't going to put you through an emotional ringer," Henry concluded. "And, truthfully, at the end of the day I wanted to get better for _me_."

Henry looked up and met Bess's wide eyes. She stared, trying to form words, a faint blush on her cheeks getting darker the longer the moment dragged out.

"Henry... 'tell me' what? What exactly are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I love you. That I love you and want to be with you. I want you to be my girlfriend and I want to be your boyfriend. I want to experience life with you by my side, for however long that may be. And if you feel the same, and if you think you would be happy with me, then I'd like to give this a try. I will do whatever it takes to be deserving of your love, I promise. But most importantly, I just want you to be happy. Even if it's not with me. It's okay if you don't feel the same, it really is. I just... I just needed to tell you that..."

Henry just knew his cheeks were as red as Bess's right then. He could feel his heart wanting to beat out of his chest and he could hear the blood in his ears. He couldn't bear to look at her, too nervous. Instead he focused on where the cup lay next to his feet. Henry was so absorbed in his own nervousness that he didn't register Bess shifting next to him until he felt a warm, slight pressure on his cheek. He didn't realize she had kissed him until she had already leaned back, gauging his reaction. He whipped his head around to face her to see her eyes light and happy, and a grin on her face.

"What--why?"

"Because you were the other reason," Bess smiled. Henry's face contorted into confusion. Bess chuckled softly and leaned in to kiss him, his confused expression morphing into surprise. It took Henry a minute to realize what was happening before he kissed her back. It was only when a group of guys and girls walking by had whistled and hollered at the pair of them did they pull apart.

"Oh god, if that's how strangers react what do you think's gonna be waiting for us in there?" Bess asked, gesturing her head toward the door. The music and laughter from the party was muffled by the door, but only just.

"Dunno," Henry said smiling, taking Bess's hand in his.

"Me neither," she replied. "Wanna go find out?"

"Mhm, sure" Henry hummed. "But let's maybe leave it another minute."

Bess ducked her head, smiling. She stared at Henry's hand in hers for a moment. Henry looked at her, happy and at peace in a way he hadn't felt before.

"Not to bring up this up again but can I ask...? You said you were mad at yourself when Logan left. What did you mean? And what did you mean by me being the other reason?"

"I was upset he hadn't told me about Scotland, that was true. But like I said, we weren't a couple at that point. Not really. Just in name, ya know? I had lost feelings by then and he didn't seem interested either. And I also had been agonizing over my feelings for you for awhile at that point. So when you were defending him when he left us all out to dry like that, while also bringing up the fact that he was depressed and might've done all that as a result..." Bess trailed off, shrugging.

"It was just so much. And what you had said, about him being in a bad place all that time, it was something I didn't want to think about. I felt so horrible and guilty when I did because even with everything, I still cared about him. He was and is my friend. But if what you said was true, which we now know was true, it means I didn't see it. It means I made it worse. It means I hurt him."

"No, no. Bess, no. Don't do that to yourself," Henry shifted and leaned forward, trying to get Bess to meet his eye.

"It's hard not to," Bess smiled sardonically. She continued. "It also didn't help that I already had to watch Summer treat you the way she did... the memory of her saying those things to you was still very fresh in my mind. It was all just so much, y'know? I liked you so goddamn much. But I watched you give so much to people who didn't deserve it. Who only hurt you. And then I watched you defend them right back in the same breath. That night... it just all came to a head. So, I'm sorry. I really am, please believe me."

"It's okay, Bess," Henry said and meant it. "It hurt, but I understand now. It's okay."

Bess nodded. She looked away and steeled herself for what she was about to say next. If Henry was able to bare his soul so could she.

"And with the whole thing with you being 'the other reason," Bess continued, blush returning to her cheeks. "I'd started to really like you. And it scared me. I was in a relationship at the time. Even if I hadn't been I was so terrified of acknowledging it, let alone pursuing it. I was scared you didn't feel the same way. Even worse, I was scared of what would happen if I actually got to be with you. I was terrified of feeling that familiar fade. My feelings for others fade as quickly as I catch them and I couldn't bear that happening. Not again. And definitely not with you."

"Did... did they? Fade, I mean..."

Henry can't help but ask. She literally called him "the other reason" and kissed him back. Hell, she kissed him first. But the bite of insecurity is there, only heightened after being in a relationship and yet still not being enough.

Bess laughed, her cheeks red. She rolled her eyes. "No, it didn't. Quite obviously. Even when I was mad and hurt and _wanted_ them to go away, they didn't. I missed you so much and I like you so, so much and just--" Bess takes a breath, and composes herself. She looks Henry in the eye and grips his hand tighter.

"I like you so, so much Henry. I think I love you. I really do but I've never been in love before. And I'm terrified. I'm sure of my feelings for you but I'm still scared and I'm not sure how to--how to..." She gestures with her free hand between her chest to Henry's. She groans in frustration. Henry sweeps his thumb over the back of her hand.

"I didn't say 'I love you' so that you would say it back. I said it because it's how I feel. I said it because I hadn't before and I wanted to."

And Bess nods, because she knows. She really does. "Can we... can we just take this all slow?"

"If you hadn't asked I would've," Henry chuckled. Bess joins in, giggling behind one hand and grasping Henry with the other. Bess suddenly sits upright and composes herself. She holds up her and Henry's joined hands between the two of them.

"Well, then. Here's to getting through life together. Slowly," she exclaims, raising their hands up higher between them as if she's holding a glass of wine and giving a toast.

Henry whoops, playing along and laughing. He swoops in to give Bess a surprise kiss on her cheek. Henry watches her laugh, a large grin on his own face. And it's just the two of them, together. It's just the two of them laughing and holding each other's hand on the stoop, the house behind them teeming with music and life, college kids passing them by on the sidewalk below. They're both scared but, Henry thinks, they can get through it. They'll try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👏We love healing!!
> 
> If you made it this far you are stronger than any marine. This is a monster of a fic and it has no business being this long.
> 
> I hope it was okay and the pacing wasn't off. I really tried to make Summer seem like a 3-dimensional person and not a caricature of toxicity. It's a lot harder to detect in real life and even so, it's hard to leave. And with Henry's family situation, past and present, as well as his low self-esteem, it was even harder for him to leave. I also tried to really impress how the neglect Henry suffered in life really affected him in general, not just with Summer, so I hope some of that came through... ? Plus, finding yourself and growing up isn't a straight shot and is honestly a bit cliché and cheesy--which I definitely think came through lmao.
> 
> Honestly this fic is a mess but I need to just put it out into the world.
> 
> Also I can't write anything saucier than a kiss lmao so that's all there is folks!
> 
> I also really tried to hide things in previous chapters that would come up later on as either foreshadowing or just continuity. I may come back and list them all but also? Maybe not. Where's the fun in that?
> 
> And of course I had to find a way to 1) include Rocky and Gilmore in this, two absolute Kings and 2) Our Lesbian Queen George Fayne. Her crushing on Maya is peak pining.
> 
> I actually loved writing this fic and is the first full length, complete fic I've ever done. Yeah, it's not long in chapters, but I'm still proud of myself. Gonna go treat myself~


End file.
